Thank you distinguished teachers, loving parents, older siblings currently swiping muffins from the treat table, and, most of all, you members of the elementary school class of 2025, for allowing me to share some remarks on this momentous occasion, your graduation.
You made it. You’re at least a third of the way through school.
The last time I had the honour of offering a few words to mark such a milestone was several years ago, when my eldest child was celebrating the extremely rare accomplishment of graduating from kindergarten. Many juice boxes were crushed that day.
Now my youngest and his cohort have achieved something even greater, a feat worthy of celebratory beverages much stronger. Yes, it’s elementary graduation day, and the Sanpellegrino is flowing. Limonata? Aranciata? You bet. And, dare we try, the Aranciata Rossa? Dare! Dare!
For this is a moment worth celebrating. You’ve learned fractions, at least more than half of you. And contractions, ain’t that just grand of you.
For many of you this is your third graduation ceremony, having already obtained the noble status of preschool graduate and kindergarten graduate.
Now you are headed to high school. But before you go, savour these moments. You may not remember your previous graduation – you were five years old after all – but I sure do. You were cute little kiddos, waving frantically at your parents every five seconds.
“Dad, do you see me? I’m here! Hi!! Do you see me? Hello!! Dad! I have to pee!”
And look at you now – proud, confident, cool, capable. Some of you still need to pee, I can see. But this time around, we all believe in you. You’re going to hold it.
That’s real inner strength.
I used to be skeptical about all of these graduation ceremonies. I didn’t celebrate my first graduation until the end of Grade 12. Maybe back then we just weren’t good enough to warrant celebrations every few years. Once was enough, twice if you were one of those fancy college kids.
But now the celebrations come hot and heavy, and I think that’s great. It’s good to set goals, and accomplish them by showing up most of the time and not burning the school down.
Take a moment, graduates, and look out at the sea of iPhones staring up at you, recording your every movement here. Behind those phones are all of the super proud parents who were able to take the afternoon off work. You should know that those proud hands attached to those phones can’t wait to get home and put this video on Instagram.
Yes, students, you are ‘gram worthy. And I mean that sincerely – no filter. Or maybe the cat filter, if your hair is bad.
But we know your hair is not bad. It can’t be, because you spent 45 minutes on it. You used $20 worth of “texture powder,” whatever that is. You’ve touched your hair once every nine seconds for the past 46 weeks. It’s good.
You’ve changed a lot. In kindergarten for graduation all you had to do was walk up to the stage without falling or breaking down in tears. Some of you accomplished this feat.
Now, as you graduate elementary school, you’ve grown up so much. In fact, you’re not just taking part in the graduation show, you’re leading the whole thing. You set the program and organized the event. You made the land acknowledgments and introduced the speakers. You gave the best speeches, and you even produced the heartwarming class video montage. You’re 12 going on 25, with skills your parents couldn’t have dreamed of when they were your age.
And you’re fun! Yes, I’m looking at you, guy wearing the three-foot-tall homemade graduation cap that almost killed you as you tried to walk down the stairs. Well played. And you, kid who literally pulled a rabbit out of your hat on stage.
In kindergarten you got hugs from your teacher and your parents. You’re still getting that support, but now we see you searching out your friends to share meaningful moments together. Keep that up. Bring more friends in, notice who doesn’t get hugs and bring them in too. Your friends will become more and more important to you. The best way to have good friends is to be good friends. Make good choices in life, and help your friends make good choices.
And, for as long as you can, resist the phone, resist the AI, be yourself. You’ve got rabbits, and spark, and people who love you and will do everything in their power to help you succeed. That’s the real magic. And, of course, you’ve got great hair.
Andy Prest is the editor of the North Shore News and author of a regular humour/lifestyle column.
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