HAVE you ever watched the parent of a baby get ready to head out of the house? Are you that parent?
You head off with your baby, your purse, your stroller and the ubiquitous diaper bag.
You know that bag. Reach into it and you will find, diapers (duh!), change pad, sweater or jacket, change of clothing, bottles, food, books, toys and "just in case" extra diapers, food and etcetera.
And that's to travel two blocks to the corner store!
This attitude of the diaper bag is one of prediction and prevention. What might the child need during this outing? By being prepared, the parent avoids all sorts of problems because she can meet baby's needs right on the spot. Once the child is past diaper bag stage we often forget this skill and yet predicting what our kids might need is the greatest tool we can have in our discipline toolbox.
With just a little thought we can prevent a whole range of problems we see between parents and children. Instead of putting all your energy into determining what to do when your child misbehaves, what if you tried to figure out how to prevent the very misbehaviour that is driving you nuts?
We can prevent much child misbehaviour by adding, subtracting, changing or planning.
It is not unusual for a child's misbehaviour to be a cue that she needs something more. For example, your almost three-year-old just seems out of sorts all the time and nothing you do is helping the situation. She could be giving you the message that she needs more in her life.
It is time for preschool, for a new activity. She is simply bored. You can add to her life and see her thrive in this new environment.
Eight-year-old Jared just won't settle down to sleep at night. You can see that he is tired and ready for bed. You know he needs the sleep but he's just so restless. Maybe he needs some of the stimulation removed from his life in the hour before bedtime. Lots of children have real difficulty settling down after watching TV, playing or working on any electronic device or super active play. Make that last hour a quiet time. Turn off the TV.
Schedule bath-time, snack-time, followed by reading stories and bedtime cuddles. The solution is often that simple.
Your two kids have toys all over the house. It's a mess and you just can't seem to get a handle on how to get them to clean up their toys. After all, they took them out to play with, why couldn't they just put them back? Take a look at your setup. Changing the toy storage can be the solution. If you use a toy box, you know that they cannot simply take out the toy they want and leave the rest. They rifle through the whole box but actually only want one toy. One great solution is shelving. Kids will actually (almost always) approach a shelf, and choose only what they want.
Cleanup suddenly becomes so much easier.
Planning is essential if you want to prevent most child misbehaviours. Remember back to the days when you packed the diaper bag. Before you left you planned the trip and what you might need.
Then you headed out.
It still works with older kids. Are your kids rested and fed? Is this a good time to take them to the grocery store? Do they know what you expect from them? Kids like to know the plan. So tell them. Where are you going and why and how long will you be? They now know and can adjust accordingly. If they know that the last stop on the trip is the bakery then they can relax. If they have no idea and wonder how long this dreary activity is going to take, they get restless, they whine or they argue with you or each other.
Take the time to think about preventing child misbehaviour. Often your kids are giving you a message if you can just take the time to hear them. Then make the small changes needed and your life and their lives will improve immensely.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. Sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
