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Helping the 'easy' child

IN my mind, Freddie is the poster child for an easy-going kid. Freddie was in preschool with my kids and I imagine that he would be an easy child to raise. Life was simple and he was pleased with whatever was going on around him.

IN my mind, Freddie is the poster child for an easy-going kid.

Freddie was in preschool with my kids and I imagine that he would be an easy child to raise. Life was simple and he was pleased with whatever was going on around him. I never saw him unhappy, frustrated, angry or upset. He arrived at preschool in a good mood, participated in all activities and was ready to leave when his mom arrived.

It's the dream of many parents to have an easy-going, generally happy and pleasant child like Freddie. This is the kid who will accommodate others and let them choose the games. He is the one who will take the least favoured spot in the game, let others select the books to be read, and enjoy whatever snack is offered.

He's an easy baby. He will sleep wherever his parents lay him down, wait patiently (well, patiently for a baby) for his feedings and allow visiting adults to hold him without fussing. His parents can't believe how lucky they are. And they are lucky; this is an easy baby to have in the house.

But there are challenges. When your child is an easygoing kid who is always happy, it's easy to miss the signals when he isn't having his needs met. Because he seems to disappear into the woodwork and not make waves, he may not get the amount of adult attention his more active sibling will demand. He's easy to ignore but he needs every bit as much time and attention as any child. He just won't act up to get it. When he's playing with other kids, he will go along even when he's actually miserable.

You need to teach him to know what he wants and that it's OK to ask for it. He may not even know what he wants because he's so used to being accommodating. One good way to help him is to chat about choices. "If you had a choice, would you rather play with the blocks or the cars?" He may not be able to choose but be patient and help him to know that it's OK to prefer one over the other.

At the dinner table you should initiate conversations about choices. You might have everyone at the table say their favourite colour or video game and why. It sounds simple but for him it might be a challenge because his tendency is to simply go along with others.

But if everyone has different ideas, he will need to come up with his own.

Once he learns that he sometimes not only wants something different from others, he needs to learn how to ask for what he wants. He won't always get his way, but he should learn that he has a voice and an opinion. When he truly doesn't care, then he can fall back on his comfortable habit of going along, but he will be doing it consciously. It will be a choice.

Easy-going children can easily become followers and this can be a real problem when they are teens. A preschooler who will let others choose the song to sing, a school-aged kid who will take the last spot in a game may not be getting their needs met but it's unlikely that there will be serious consequences for his actions.

But a teenager can find himself in real trouble when his peers are trying drugs, are skipping school or are shoplifting. He will just go along with the group because that's what he's always done.

He may not agree with their decisions but will have no idea how to take a stand, to say no and leave the group.

Easy-going kids are a joy and often they really are happy with whatever life throws at them. They just need to know when to stand up for themselves and say no. The rest of the time they can simply sit back and enjoy life.

Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author. Sign up for her informational newsletter at www. parentingtoday.ca.