A food writer should possess an aptitude for choosing the best item on the menu, intuition about inventiveness, and a gift for knowing how ingredients will come together.
It never seems to work out for me.
The most important factor in any dish is the person who created it. When you're visiting a new restaurant with an unfamiliar chef, it's not possible to know where his or her strengths lie. While some ingredients might work beautifully together on paper, if improperly cooked or seasoned the composition can still fail.
It's a long-running joke among my family and friends that I usually choose those dishes - the failures. Or at the very least, I will pick the least delicious thing to arrive at our table.
Thankfully for those like me, at The Portly Chef - Central Lonsdale's newest room - it seems as if you can't go wrong with the menu.
Chef-owner Jeff Batt, previously exec chef at the Dockside Restaurant and Brewing Company, has crafted a lively roster of offerings that mash up ethnic cuisines and carefully sourced ingredients with classic techniques.
His tagline: "You can't trust a skinny chef" plays nicely off the restaurant name, and gives a hint to his sense of humour. He follows it up in the menu.
Salads (listed as "Greens . . . and reds and yellows") include a Duelling Beet Salad, with house-pickled red and golden beets and sheep feta; and an Heirloom Tomato Salad with the usual bocconcini plus added lift from crispy basil and guacamole "carpaccio." Latin food gets a nod from Cream of Smoked Plum Tomato Soup, spiked with roasted corn, chipotle, fresh cilantro, and tortilla crumble.
And that's just to get started.
"Rousing Tastes" - appetizers on other menus - lines up some killer cooking: Qualicum Bay scallops paired with pork schnitzel; Lobster corn dogs; brandyfired mushrooms with goat cheese; and a "Deconstructed Poutine" with creamy gruyere fondue and traditional gravy.
The wok-fired squid I shared with The Godmother was the kind of dish that inspires obsession. Perfectly tender, the meaty tubes were battered and fried, and tumbled with the bright flavours of lemongrass, ginger, garlic, lime, and chili beurre blanc.
Mains ($18-$29) include Salmon Napoleon: a clever play on the pastry of the same name, except it's layered with sockeye, scallop and salmon mousse, and mushroom and chicken liver duxelle. Pasta is ravioli stuffed with wine-poached pear and toasted walnuts, draped in Gorgonzola cream. Lamb is made two ways, a roasted half-rack and in a pot pie; and pork loin is teamed with creamy caramel goat cheese and apple compound butter and braised leek bread pudding.
"Is this Pacific Northwest cuisine?" asked The Godmother, as we marveled at the menu.
Not really. It's less about one particular place than it is about ambling to some of the best food regions in the world and casually borrowing their best flavours.
The Godmother ordered the bouillabaisse, but instead of the classic Provencal fish stew, this one is a creamy green curry coconut broth, with just the right amount of prickly heat smoothed by kaffir lime, studded with fat mussels, prawns, cubes of tuna, and dumplings stuffed with shrimp and scallops.
I wanted to sample everything. Even more than that I wanted to choose a winner. I finally decided on the Filet Oscar - succulent Black Angus tenderloin, scattered with prawns and scallops, set atop rich mashed potatoes and drizzled in demi. It was a knockout, just as good as the bouillabaisse, maybe even better.
Batt's time and effort on the menu is clear. The room itself didn't require much refreshing - it has the same cosy living room feel to it that its predecessor Tutto Bene did, with glossy tables and chairs packed neatly into the small space.
Service is smooth and helpful, wine suggestions made unobtrusively, a request for fresh air from a propped-open front door met cheerfully.
"I'm already making plans to come back," said The Godmother.
So am I.
Our bill for dinner, which included two wines by the glass, added up to $96.39, including HST.
The Portly Chef is at 1211 Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver; 604-971-4377/theportlychef. com. Reservations are recommended.
