REGISTERED Psychologist Cara Zaskow answers our Questions about bullying.
What does bullying mean? What bullying means to children will depend somewhat on their age, but in all cases it does mean some unwanted attention or behaviour is directed at them that is mean and hurtful and, as a result, some level of distress is experienced.
What forms does bullying usually take?
It is important to know that bullying behaviour can take on a lot of different forms and can be physical (hitting, punching or grabbing belongings and running off), verbal (taunts or name-calling), social (excluding someone from the group, spreading rumors, making someone do something they don't want to) or can be cyber (using taunts or threats on Facebook, in text messages, or sending out personal information like a picture without consent). In whatever form, all bullying behaviour has the following in common: it is a conscious and deliberate hostile activity that is intended to mentally or physically cause distress in another person. Age differences in type of bullying behaviour is now usually related to an increased use of technology. Also evident are gender differences with boys being more overt with physical and verbal bullying and girls more covert with the use of social and cyber bullying
What kind of effects does bullying have on a child?
Bullying always causes distress. That is the intended outcome by the child who bullies. The distress can be extreme and lead to a feeling of fear and dread in the person bullied that can begin to change their behaviour at home and school. Just as the type of bullying behaviour can vary, so are the effects of bullying on a child. The effects can be evident in changes in behaviour, personality or physical wellbeing. If the bullying behaviour remains persistent and unrelenting, sadly, the distress experienced by the child can become extreme and lead to tragic outcomes. With that said, it is important to be aware of the warning signs, such as withdrawal from friends or social activities previously enjoyed; body complaints such as stomach or headaches especially on school days; disruptions in sleep or eating patterns; if the child seems unusually moody, anxious or irritable; decline in school performance, or refusing to go to school altogether. If these warning signs are present, be sure to talk with your child in a supportive and encouraging way so that they are able to tell you what has been happening to them. Children are often reluctant to talk about the bullying for fear that it might get worse. Reassure them that you will see this through with them.
What should parents, kids and teachers do about bullying if they witness it or know it's happening?
Most important for parents and teachers: don't ignore it! If actually witnessing an act of bullying, take it seriously and stop it. Likely some kind of further action will be required and that action needs to be well thought out. If a child witnesses or knows bullying has been occurring, encourage him or her to talk with an adult they trust, such as a parent or teacher. When bullying has occurred, there will be a need to support both children, the one who was bullied and the one who was the bully. While it may come easier to provide support and encouragement towards the child who was bullied, it is equally important that the child who bullied also receives support towards changing that behaviour. It is well documented that the child who bullies has a higher risk of abusing drugs or alcohol in adolescence, is more likely to get into fights and vandalize property, and is more likely to have criminal convictions as an adult.
Final comment
Let's bully-proof children by talking about this with them before it happens. A pro-active place to be is so much better than a reactive one. Talk with your child about why bullying is, the ways it can happen, what to do if it happens (don't blame yourself, be proud of who you are, say "No," stay away from situations that increase risk of bullying and get help). Schools need to increase their emphasis about anti-bullying. It is important to raise everyone's consciousness about what bullying is and its impact. While Pink Shirt Day is a great campaign, we could be embracing this on a daily basis by doing such things such as talking about bullying with students in classes from grades 1 to 12, creating "No Bullying" posters and declaring the school a "No Bully Zone".
Cara Zaskow is a Registered Psychologist, who teaches in the psychology department at Capilano University in the Psychology Department. She is the coordinator of the Bachelor of Arts degree program in Applied Behaviour Analysis - Autism, and does broad-based clinical work at SHARE: Family and Community Services in the TriCities area.
