The provincial government's proposed plan to crack down on drivers who poke along in the left hand lane has met with mixed initial reaction from critics.
Not unlike the previous raising of the speed limit on some rural highways, opponents are calling the move pandering to voters rather than making more effectual changes in other areas of government policy, such as education or housing.
That may be, but if this is meant as a distraction, at least it's something slightly useful. I've come out in favour of the speed changes before - speed limits should be reasonable on highways and lower in residential areas, and both limits and enforcement should be concentrated in dangerous areas where accidents actually occur. I would much rather see a constable parked near every busy crosswalk than sitting hidden at the bottom of that long four- lane downhill stretch of the Sea-to-Sky, waiting to catch folks who coast over the limit thanks to gravity.
If you drive in California, Oregon or Washington, you'll notice that slower drivers (RVs and trucks and so on) tend to use the pull-outs more. In Washington State, it's the law not to hold up more than five vehicles, but I've found in all three states dawdlers will happily make a bit of space for you, and on we all go. In B.C., such polite behaviour is a bit more of a rarity. Really, it boils down to the two main sins of driving: a lack of consideration for others, and not paying attention. After a long week in which I put on more than the usual amount of mileage driving around the Lower Mainland, I've come to the regrettable conclusion that too much of both exists on today's roads.
Happily, however, I have a solution. It's called ramming. (Editor's note: wait, "ramming?" Um, here's where we step in with a disclaimer. Brendan is a unique and special snowflake, but somewhat given to flights of fancy. Please don't actually ram anyone.)
Now, before we begin, my idea is going to require a slight modification for most modern vehicles. If you have an enormous lifted pickup truck with one of those steel pushbars fitted, you will also be exempted.
However, for all passenger cars, the fitment of large, durable rubber surrounds will both positively affect our driving habits and, in the case of many Pontiac products, improve the esthetics. This will create a unique cottage industry for the province, employing all those who used to work at Aircare. You see, what we need in today's traffic isn't necessarily more scolding from the RCMP. It's a little playground justice.
Let me give you an example. Using a handheld device while driving is illegal in B.C., but the cops are still handing out tickets by the hundreds and few seem willing to change their behaviour. The current norm now seems to be checking your texts and emails while stopped at a light because at least you aren't moving.
But how frustrating is it to be stuck behind the person who's tapping and swiping away, long after the light's gone green? Not a problem — give 'em a ram! A well-timed shunt should knock the phone right into the back seat and away from temptation.
Another peeve: those who pull up to a traffic light and only after it's gone green do they turn on their left indicator, leaving you stuck behind them. Now, we've all done this inadvertently, thanks to a late instruction from our co-pilot, or perhaps the realization that the street you're looking for came up a little suddenly. No biggie: that's why we invented the "I'm sorry" wave in driving. In fact, I'd also consider legislating a large "SORRY" light in the back of all cars that can be lit up at the touch of a button. After all, this is Canada. But no wave equals rammy-ram-ram. The people behind you have a right to get where they're going too.
That covers the fore and aft bumpers, but why the all-around rubber? Simple — it's a solution to another pet peeve that drives everyone nuts and snarls traffic. If traffic is stopped ahead of you, do not enter an intersection, even if the light is green. Odds are, you'll get stuck, and be sitting there when the light turns red.
We've seen this all too often, the driver staring fixedly ahead while the horns sound all around them. Horns don't work. Ramming does! Merging: another issue that seems to cause so many problems. Both can be at fault here, the merger and the mergee. As I have ranted about — er, explained — previously, the onramp and the offramp of a highway are places where you accelerate and decelerate; you don't slow to a crawl and then pull off, nor are you supposed to pull onto the highway at 50 kilometres per hour and then start accelerating. Here, my handy-dandy bumpers will let you "help" that doddering Corolla up to a safer speed. As for the traffic you're trying to merge into, four times this week I saw the following.
While on the move, a driver would put on their turn signal, indicating a desire to move into the left-most lane. In two cases, this caused the car behind and to the left of them to immediately accelerate to close the gap. Why? Why must people do this? It saves you no time and merely makes you look like a jerk.
In the other two cases, the driver did absolutely nothing, didn't slow, didn't speed up — no reaction. One merging car dropped back, holding up traffic behind briefly and creating an inadvertent bottleneck. The other car, a BMW, accelerated ahead a bit to make the gap safely, which then caused the Prius behind to accelerate, tailgate, and honk its horn. Having witnessed the entire thing, I would have cheerfully waited until we were all off the highway and traveling at slow speeds and then rammed some sense into that little Prius.
I think you can see that rational, reasonable solutions like this are the best policy for safer roads. If a few are unwilling to recognize that driving is a privilege, not a right, then it is our duty as a whole to ram them into the ditch. I mean, place them on the side of the road with a gentle tap, that they might have time to ruminate on the path to becoming a more attentive and considerate member of the motoring public.
Here endeth the lesson. Tune in next week when I explain why attaching rocket-propelled grenades to red-light cameras is a really good plan with no possible unforeseen consequences. None. It'll be fine.
Brendan McAleer is a freelance writer and automotive enthusiast. If you have a suggestion for a column, or would be interested in having your car club featured, please contact him at [email protected]. Follow Brendan on Twitter: @brendan_mcaleer.
