Spoiler alert! If you do not want to know the exact number of eye stabbings in the television show Game of Thrones, stop reading now. Because it is quite a shocking amount of eye stabbings.
Other than that, I hope to write something here that everyone can enjoy even if they are still planning to watch the hit show at a future date and don’t want to have main plot lines spoiled for them.
I wish other news outlets provided the same courtesy. I am one of the many who is catching up with Game of Thrones but not quite ready to watch the latest episodes. I’ve learned the simple tricks to avoid spoilers. You can’t go on Twitter during the airing of an episode or in the following hours. You must be ready to bolt the workplace lunchroom at a moment’s notice. Instead of attending parties, you probably should just chain yourself up in a dungeon.
I’ve taken what I thought were all the proper precautions but I still couldn’t avoid spoilers. Earlier this week I went on a popular “sports and culture” website looking for witty and irreverent coverage of the NBA finals. You know the stuff: the Internet hipster hot take describing how an obscure track that was cut from Aerosmith’s 2004 effort Honkin’ on Bobo perfectly explains the way Lebron James finally unleashed his full force as a low-post rim protector. That old story.
Instead I happened upon a huge spoiler from the latest episode of Game of Thrones. Now this wasn’t just a teaser or half spoil – this was a major plot line, verifying that major characters were still alive (never a given with this show) and describing exactly what those characters did. And this wasn’t buried inside a story or through a click – it was the headline of the top story. The headline! Of the top story!
I’ll share the headline with you here with the spoiler details omitted: “XXXX and XXXX finally XXXX. Now what’s next?”
I suppose they think it’s cool because they’ve put the question “now what’s next” at the end of the headline. What were some other top headlines from past reviews on this website (spoiler alert):
Thelma and Louise: “Thelma and Louise drive off a cliff. Now what’s next?”
Star Wars: “Darth Vader is Luke’s father. Now what’s next?”
The Bible: “Jesus comes back to life. Now what’s next?”
That’s journalism these days. Really now, if I ever meet any of these “media” jerks, I’ll grab my dagger so fast...
Truth be told, if I had been caught up on Game of Thrones I would have clicked the hell out of that headline. But I’m not caught up, and it sucks to have things spoiled. I got into the series really late and am watching one or two episodes every night before I go to bed. It’s always exciting to discover what final image will be branded on my brain just before bedtime. Will it be (spoiler alerts) burning a child at the stake? Dagger in the eye? Incest? Sword in the eye? An army of the dead? Thumb in the eye?
That spoiler headline tells me that how we consume media may be changing in this instant world we live in. Television shows are becoming like major live sporting events – you need to watch them as they happen or risk learning the outcome before you get to take in the spectacle.
That raises a question: Where does the onus lie? Is it with the laggard, who prevents up-to-date folks from talking about the latest awesome eye-stabbing just because they can’t be bothered to spend 50 straight hours watching Stab-o-vision?
Or is it with the informed, who should have the decency to check with everyone in the room before launching into a conspiracy theory about the fascinating bit of incest they just watched?
There’s probably room for improvement on both sides.
The season finale is today. I’ve been watching at an eye-popping pace, but haven’t quite caught up all the way. Spoilers, no doubt, will be everywhere in the next few days. If you need me, you’ll find me in the dungeon. Just watch out for the dragons.
Sorry! Sorry! I should have warned you I was going to say the word “dragons.” Although if you haven’t gotten to the dragon part of the show yet, you’re way behind and have no legit grievance with me. I certainly won’t stand for you keeping me strapped to this giant wooden X thingy. And put down that dagger!
Andy Prest is the sports editor for the North Shore News and writes a biweekly humour/lifestyle column. He can be reached via email at [email protected].
What are your thoughts? Send us a letter via eamil by clicking here or post a comment below.
