I moved from the Prairies to Vancouver nearly 10 years ago and though I've done my best to learn the intricacies of West Coast life, I am still sometimes completely fooled.
Last weekend my wife gave me the most wonderful gift a devoted family man can receive: permission to ditch my family. Freed from my usual Sunday afternoon duties of trying not to spill coffee on my baby's head and secretly cheering on my toddler as he pegs off other bratty kids in the Lonsdale Quay ball pit, I met my brother at a downtown Vancouver sports pub to watch Saskatchewan take on B.C. in the CFL playoffs.
We were born Roughrider fans and we'll die, approximately 60 years and two Saskatchewan Grey Cup wins from now, Roughrider fans. Raised on the intense hatred of Prairie rivalries like, Eskimos vs. Roughriders, Bombers vs. Roughriders and dentures vs. toothless grin, we both know how important it is to be cautious when venturing into enemy territory. We were a little bit worried about walking into a Lions den and flaunting our Rider green.
Should we wear our Roughrider T-shirts under nondescript sweaters? Should we just go with Rider undies? Ha ha, not that I own underwear with little football logos on them. Ahem.
I arrived at the bar to a shocking sight: it was practically empty. Amused and confused, my brother and I took off our Riderstamped bulletproof vests, sat down and relaxed in front of one huge pitcher of beer and two huge TVs. With just two other tables occupied in the entire bar we still managed to get into a bit of a row with another group - the argument was about which NFL game should take precedence on the second big screen.
Maybe there were other bars around Vancouver that were painted orange and black, but this little corner of downtown was cured of all CFL fever. In fact, throughout the entire day I didn't notice a single person wearing anything that would mark them as an interested CFL football fan (face paint, jersey, blue jeans size 40-plus).
It was then that it hit me once again that this place is oh so different than the place I grew up in. If this were Saskatoon the whole city would have been stained with green and white. And probably a bit of yellow too - hot dog mustard. But not in Vancouver. Not really in Toronto either, from what I can gather. It's actually kind of amazing that the CFL has continued to roll along despite the fact that two of its biggest cities show as much interest in their teams as Rob Ford shows interest in broccoli. And human decency. And pretty much anything not laced with crack.
A little unscientific survey shows that the Riders Twitter page has more than 67,000 followers while the Lions page checks in at around 42,900 and the Argos page is less than 36,000. This coming from a province that is far smaller in population than either Metro Vancouver or Toronto and that just had its first computer installed last Thursday.
Well big city slickers, if you've ever wanted to experience what life is like in that middle bit between Vancouver and Toronto now is one of your best chances. The Grey Cup championship game will be played in Regina next Sunday. If you're at all curious about what life is like below the freezing line and above the safe cholesterol intake line, there's no better place to be than a Grey Cup party in the spiritual home of the CFL.
Here are a few things you will definitely see at this year's Grey Cup: grown men and women wearing hollowed out watermelon shells on their heads; dudes wearing the same winter gear that they wore to an oil rig the day before; frozen nacho cheese, likely in a beard. Look closely enough and you'll likely also see people with bags and tubes taped to their legs so they can sit in the stands and drink beer all game without getting up to go to the bathroom. Sounds pretty good, eh? You'll also have the time of your life. I attended a Regina Grey Cup when I was 15 years old. What I remember most is wearing approximately 400 layers of clothing, freezing, and loving every minute of it because I got to drink hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps that my parents smuggled in.
Sadly for all of you B.C. Lions fans - I'm sure I'll meet one of you some day - your team won't be there but there's a chance that the Riders will, depending on what happens in the Western final today. And, if we're all being totally honest here, we know that this party will be great no matter what, but it'd be 1,000 times greater with the Riders there.
So go on, hop on a plane and head to Regina if you want to experience slice of Canadiana. A huge, frozen, probably gravy-covered slice of Canadiana. And don't worry about rivalries, you can wear whatever you want. Maybe leave the yoga pants at home though - gotta leave enough room for the pee bag and schnapps.
