Dear Horsefly:
It is with deep gratitude that I thank you for what has been previously impossible for me to achieve - knock two minutes off my time up the Grouse Grind.
Your ambush at the halfway mark was perfectly timed, as this is the point when I begin to feel the fatigue in my legs. When your intention became known, that fatigue was instantly forgotten and I found endurance like never before.
The tenacity with which you encouraged me on was truly inspiring, especially given I passed several other hikers all of whom you chose to ignore. Clearly, loyalty is another one of your admirable qualities. Perhaps we have similar taste in clothes and you were drawn to my purple shirt. Or maybe it was the lavender body cream I wear to keep your smaller brethren - mosquitoes - away. If it was simply how I smell, well … I am truly flattered.
After accosting ¬- pardon me, “encouraging" - me on for half of the 2.9-kilometre hike straight up a mountain, I was relieved when you felt that I had what it takes to continue on my own, and moved on to another victi… client. No doubt because of you, some other hiker is now enjoying the same feeling of accomplishment regarding their hiking time.
Moving forward, I am no longer interested in improving my time up the mountain, so no need for more coaching. Thanks.
From this point onward, please make note I will be carrying a fly swatter, and am fully prepared to use it. I am quite a whiz on the badminton court and have a swing with both remarkable velocity and accuracy.
Fair warning.
Have a nice day.
Oh, and cool sunglasses. Where did you get them?
Your friend,
Anne Leader
West Vancouver
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