Dear Editor:
Coming soon to a neighbourhood near you: a fall migration of urban wildlife. Our area appears to have lately acquired a few new forms. They are a subspecies of urban bottom feeder known as Tranquilus Interruptum.
The first one, Homus Evictus, can be seen near any of the areas in North Vancouver within the proposed new “Heartless Neighbourhood Centres.”
He usually surfaces in a BMW, then forages around property lines while making copious notes on a clipboard and finally rings the bell or raps on the door to ask if you wish to sell your house. The aim of this wily hunter (also known as Ratus Assemblyum) is to purchase, destroy and redevelop the area. The method used to achieve this is one in which the prey actually joins the hunt.
Each homeowner is offered large sums of money, provided all the others in the area sign on board. In this way, neighbour is pitted against neighbour and those who would thwart this purpose are gradually eliminated by their own kind. He (or she – for the female of the species is also an avid hunter) should be approached warily, if at all.
The second new arrival is Politicus Inquirus, and is relatively harmless (if somewhat annoying). He, or she uses a similar approach, but merely wishes to influence your vote in the upcoming election and can be safely ignored if accidental contact occurs. Any damage done by this species can usually be reversed in a few years, whereas the effects of a successful hunt by Homus Evictus is totally permanent.
Gaile Froese, North Vancouver
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