We regret to inform you that Stephen Sondheim’s instructions were wrong: do not send in the clowns. At least not those creepy ones, because when they start tearing around, some of us can’t move.
A growing portion of Canadians seem afflicted with coulrophobia, that morbid fear of the greasepaint-sporting merrymakers who are usually confined to circuses, amusement parks, and the nightmares of this newspaper’s editorial staff.
North Vancouver’s school superintendent recently got involved in the clowntroversy, reminding parents that clown pranks can “spark violence.”
The RCMP – who we suspect had better things to do – also had to investigate a report of a leering jester staring at bus riders shortly after midnight.
For anyone with an affinity for giant orange wigs and oversized shoes, we would ask you to please be mindful of Stephen King’s maxim: “Nobody likes a clown at midnight.”
We’re not quite sure if these clowns are uncovering something ridiculous or creating it. This newspaper can’t quite endorse dressing up like a terrifying clown but we’re not sure we can condemn the practice, either. We believe people should be able to dress as they please, even if they choose to dress – quite literally – like a fool.
If you see a particularly terrifying clown, whether it’s at a bus stop or a presidential debate, you’re most likely witnessing an attention-seeking missile – annoying, but ultimately harmless.
And much like in the case of King’s most famous creepy clown, your best defence may be to turn away. This is that rare instance where ignorance is bliss.
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