Parenting is no easy process these days.
The pressure to do a bang-up job of it is enormous and it comes from every corner of the community.
A few generations ago we just let kids loose to find their way with little interference from us. Today, little is left to chance.
Schools and teachers are vetted and chosen where possible. If parents are not pleased with grades, kids are tutored outside of class. Extra-curricular activities are scheduled to keep kids busy and out of trouble.
After-school play dates are arranged to address the importance of developing friendships. If school uniforms are not required, the school wardrobe is chosen to help with issues of confidence and self-esteem. Parents continually check in with kids to see how they are feeling.
In short, a whole lot of parental time and energy is invested in giving kids every opportunity to flourish. And the jury is still out as to whether kids do any better today than they did 20 years ago.
The thing parents are likely to neglect these days is their kid's well-being, but their own. I have had many young couples in my office who complain that their relationship with each other is in trouble, and often a significant part of the problem is that in their efforts to be good parents, they have let go of their own individual interests and goals.
In short, they neglect the very things that made them attractive to each other in the first place.
Often, the initial thing that slides is regular exercise. Parents complain that there just aren't enough hours in the day. Frequently, these are couples who met while cycling, hiking or running. They recognize the need for their kids to get exercise, but negate their own need for it.
The next casualty is usually a decrease in the commitment to their own vitality. With time and energy in short supply, couples make the mistake of thinking that they can put their personal interests on hold indefinitely and still maintain a balanced life.
In the process they become frustrated and resentful. These negative feelings are often directed at each other and can trickle down to the kids.
There are many variables that affect the health of our kids, but the most significant variable is the health of their parents.
Though the jury is out on how well today's kids will do in comparison to the kids of yesterday, the jury is in on how well today's marriages are doing.
Summer provides an opportunity for both kids and parents to take a break from what is often the grueling schedule of the school year.
With September fast approaching, take the time to think through the gruel so that you, as parents, are not shortchanged in the opportunity to commit to your own physical and mental health.
Margaret-Anne Speak is a registered clinical counsellor with a private practice on the North Shore. You can contact her at [email protected]. This story originally appeared in the North Shore News special section called Back to Class, which focuses on school-related topics.
