Nicole Robins thought she was prepared to be a mom.
But now that her son Tyler is 10 and her daughter Marlee is seven, she admits motherhood was not quite what she expected.
"I just knew it was always something I wanted to do. I was always certain it was going to happen," she says of becoming a mom.
But once her kids arrived she says she wasn't quite prepared for the ups and downs her kids experienced, and having to go through that with them.
"You're experiencing the highs and lows through their eyes," she says. "It's hard when the kids are going through something really difficult, it's almost doubly painful. I don't think that I was prepared for that."
When Tyler experienced some challenges early in school due in part to an undiagnosed eyesight problem, Robins says the resulting needed intervention, including regular vision therapy out of town, was a strain on the whole family. Her son is now doing well in school, and Robins is confident it is because of all their hard work.
"When you go into this parenting thing you kind of think, I'm going to have kids and they're going to have an experience pretty similar to (what) I did, but you don't really bank on the challenges that might come," notes Robins. "It's a really intense emotional roller coaster."
That connection even extends to school.
"When they go to school you go back to school," explains Robins with a laugh.
She says she occasionally her son half-jokingly, "I've already been through Grade 5, I don't need to do it again."The journey from babyhood to childhood has been a huge learning curve, she notes. "And as they grow older their issues and needs change and the requirements change and you sort of learn and grow with them."Robins says her parenting style is similar to her own mom's style, which was "pretty laid back" and really relaxed.
"We were given a lot of freedom but we always knew what the rules were," recalls Robins. "And that's something that I really tried to model after is that you can't expect your children to trust themselves in their decisions if you don't show them trust. So if you don't allow them the space and the time to make safe mistakes then they won't know to trust their own judgment."Robins says she still turns to her mom for advice, and she also likes to compare notes with the other moms from her kids' school.
"It's helpful because, yea, you can read parenting columns and stuff, but it's far more impactful when you're talking to someone who you know, you trust, you care about and they've been through it."
What's the best part of being a mother? "Well, having them," says Robins. "They're hilarious. They've taught me a lot about patience. They've taught me a lot about myself."
She adds: "It's pretty awesome watching another human being from start till whenever just evolve and grow and learn."
Although parenthood not be all "sunshine and lollipops" as she might have imagined it would be before she had kids, Robins says she believes her and her husband have created the family life they always wanted. Her hope for her children is that they be happy in whatever life they choose for themselves.
"That they're happy with themselves, that they are grounded, that they live a life that reflects what I think our values are, which are being a good citizen of the Earth, being environmentally responsible, being kind, maybe doing something good for other people, that kind of thing. Just that they reach adulthood whole and complete."
This story originally appeared in the North Shore News sepcial section called Mother's Day, which featured profiles of local moms.
