"Wow, you have a lot of dogs!" said the new girlfriend of my significant other's best friend. "So, do they, like, ever annoy you much?" Ahhh, spoken like a true dog lover.
As you can guess, my answer to her beautifully articulated question was a definite "No!" But truth be told, there was a time in my life, in my early days of existence on this planet, when my dogs did annoy me - some. When I was younger and easily distracted by the drama of the people and life around me, I found many things annoying. The driver in front of me annoyed me and I blamed him for my anger; people in line at the bank annoyed me and I blamed them for my impatience; the bills in the mail annoyed me and I blamed them for my fears. And my dogs, innocent as they were, at times annoyed me by being dogs.
But one day I had an "aha" moment. I was watching a mindless television show and my dogs kept playing together in front of the TV, totally blocking the view. I was about to get angry and tell them to go lie down when I realized they didn't know what they were doing (or did they?). So why was I angry? It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks when I recognized that the anger was already in me. My dogs just brought it to the surface with their behaviour. Then, oddly enough, the anger vanished.
That was a number of years ago but from time to time, my dogs still remind me to be aware of my deeper emotional state.
Patience, compassion, empathy, understanding - these are all things we learn during our lifetime. We are not born with these qualities. We learn how to develop these feelings through our life experiences just like we learn anger, fear, impatience, intolerance and indifference. The only emotion we are born with is love, just like our dogs - pure love, nothing more, nothing less.
So if you find yourself getting angry, frustrated or impatient with your dog, the first question should not be, "What the heck is wrong with my dog and how do I make it stop?" but rather, "What is happening in my life that I have not resolved, either from the past, the present or something that I am worried about that has yet to happen, which is causing my annoyance with my dog?" Solve the emotional issue, even if it simply means becoming aware of your deeper emotional state, and your annoyance with your dog will disappear - and I bet your dog will stop the unwanted behaviour. In becoming aware of your deeper emotional state, you may recognize that you are sending off silent signals of anger that your dog (and all dogs) are incredibly in tune to and confused by, and that is why they run away from you when you call them.
You might find that you have become intolerant or unforgiving. When you come home to a dog that has destroyed the carpet, the potted plants, the new drywall in the bathroom, instead of expressing your anger at the dog, figure out why you are angry and then show tolerance and forgiveness towards your dog. Then remind yourself that you will never allow yourself to compromise your personal time for anyone and become so busy that you can't find the time to walk the dog before you leave the house.
If you are having a difficult time housetraining a new puppy and are getting frustrated with "cleaning up the mess" you might find you are selfishly absorbed in your own life. You have forgotten to notice the validity of the people and things you share your life with, including a puppy that needs to do its business. By learning how to be selfless and be aware of others, your puppy will be housebroken in no time.
Dogs can be annoying, but it is not done out of spite or malicious intent. There is a method to their madness and it is always for our benefit!
Joan Klucha has been working with dogs for more than 15 years in obedience, tracking and behavioural rehabilitation. Contact her via her website k9kinship.com.
