For many years children were marginalized in society and encouraged to speak only when spoken to. Things have changed. The pendulum has swung in the opposite direction and children are now at the epicentre of both parental and societal concern.
The burgeoning field of extracurricular activities for children is one small example. With the best of intentions, and with the encouragement of many benefiting organizations, parents seem convinced that busy is better and often over-schedule their children and, in the process, themselves. As September and the new school year approaches, here are a few things to consider before signing up the kids.
First and foremost, your child will likely benefit more from a calm and consistent parent than from a season of soccer. Ask yourself this: How many hours in a week can I devote to my child's activities and still maintain my sanity? There are a number of considerations that should go into this assessment.
1 What is your reason for putting your child in any particular activity? Have you felt pressured by the trend in this direction or is this a decision that you have made independent of influence and with a clear belief that this commitment will benefit your child's development? development?
2 Is your partner (if you have one) on board with your decision and aware of the commitment involved? If not and you decide to go ahead, do not count on his/her assistance or co-operation. This will be something you will need to be up for carrying on your own.
3 How do you choose an activity? The fact that you may have played soccer and loved it does not mean that your child will. Children often have a natural inclination toward a particular interest. Watch for this and use the information in your choice for your
child.
4 What will participation in the activity cost and how will it affect the family finances? Money matters, and spending more than you can afford will have repercussions elsewhere. Frustration around finances is one of the most frequently raised issues in couple counselling. Don't break the bank in your efforts to help your child and risk a tension-filled household in the process.
5 What are your expectations once you sign your child up? Do you expect a superior return on your investment or can you be happy if your child never scores a goal or wins a prize? Parental pressure on a child can take all of the fun out of an activity and is often more loaded than the pressure of a coach or a teacher.
6 The experience of movement and nature are important. If the activity that you choose for your child does not include physical exercise and an appreciation of nature, see where you can integrate these on a regular basis. Animals deprived of physical exercise and the opportunity to explore nature get depressed. We are not all that different from other species. These are just a few of the things to consider in your decision to invest in your child's future. Keep in mind that in signing up the child you are signing up the family, and busy is not always better. Sometimes less is more.
Margaret-Anne Speak is a registered counsellor with a practice on the North Shore. You can reach her at [email protected] or at 604-761-3440.
