Annual North Shore candle lighting ceremony lifts up bereaved parents

The holidays are a joyful time for many, but for those grappling with the loss of a loved one, it can be the exact opposite.

Cathy Sosnowsky’s son was only 17 when he died, just two weeks before Christmas. That was 30 years ago, and the start of her participation in an annual Candle Lighting Ceremony for bereaved parents, their relatives and friends, run by the North Shore Compassionate Friends.

“By helping others, it helps me,” Sosnowsky said.

Dozens of bereaved parents will come together at North Lonsdale United Church to share their grief and love for their children, holding a photo of their loved ones alongside a cardboard star with their child’s name and a candle.

Four symbolic candles will also light up during the event – red for love, blue for courage, green for growth and white for hope.

“Christmas is very hard for those in grief, especially those in early grief,” Sosnowsky said. “People who are celebrating do not really want to associate with somebody that’s in grief. So it’s a lonely time.”

There will be music and a gathering after for people to talk together, she said.

Compassionate Friends is an international organization supporting bereaved families, with 50 chapters across Canada. Sosnowsky is the co-chair of the local chapter.

Sosnowsky lost her son, Alex, in 1992. Alex and his friend climbed a tennis bubble in Whistler at night. He was standing on a weak seam and fell to his death.

She describes him as wonderful, athletic, artistic and an adventurer.

A friend told her about Compassionate Friends, and she joined a couple of months after Alex died. Now, Sosnowsky helps dozens of others get through the grief of their lost loved ones.

“It’s a little light for your child of course, but also you’ve got to have the light of life in you still to carry on,” she said.

On Dec. 1, Sosnowsky and Alex’s friends went up to Mamquam River in Squamish to celebrate him through a fire with roasted marshmallows and hot dogs, but also singing some of his favourite songs, particularly “You Can Call Me Al” by Paul Simon and Don McLean’s “American Pie.”

It’s been a tradition Sosnowsky and Alex’s friends have done for years.

As the Candle Lighting Ceremony marks its 34th year, Sosnowsky has heard people say they can carry on with Christmas after talking and sharing the grief with others who understand.

“Believe it or not, [it's] uplifting, to have all these dead children together where their parents talk about them with love and joy,” she said.

The ceremony will take place in the upper lounge of the North Lonsdale United Church on Dec. 9 starting at 7:30 p.m. People are asked to enter by the rear stairs from the parking lot, she said.

For more information on how to join the Compassionate Friends of the North Shore, people can reach out to [email protected].

Abby Luciano is the Indigenous and civic affairs reporter for the North Shore News. This reporting beat is made possible by the Local Journalism Initiative. [email protected]