THE toy lists are out. Pick up any parenting magazine and the pages are filled with all the wonderful toys available for kids this year.
And those are only the products that passed the scrutiny of test families. They are the best of the thousands of choices.
If you only had those lists to cope with it would be overwhelming. But your kids are seeing the ads on TV, are talking to their friends and learning about all kinds of new possibilities online.
It's everywhere. And now your child is preparing her list. It's very, very long and she insists that she needs it all. If you fulfill all their wishes your kids will be pleased to receive everything they wanted or thought they wanted.
But they will have learned they can get whatever they want. There is no sense of reality or planning or prioritizing. They will start to expect that every wish is a command and at the slightest whim will assume that their wish will be fulfilled.
They will end up with way too much stuff; you will end up with way too little money.
But if your kids learn from an early age that they just can't have everything they want the minute they want it, they will learn to be selective about what they want. They will not be immediately seduced by every ad they see. They will know that they need to make choices so will carefully consider their wishes.
Working for and waiting for things can make these things more precious and worthwhile. So the child who knows that, yes, he can have that more expensive toy or pair of jeans if he can save his allowance to pay for them, learns to save and appreciate the value of what he has.
Bottom line, if you want your child to grow up to appreciate the value of his belongings, avoid giving in every single time.
What do you do if he's disappointed and throws a tantrum? After all, you really don't want Christmas morning spoiled by the rantings of a child who didn't get everything he wanted. Well, let me tell you, that's better than raising a child who never learns the value of what he has. If you are concerned about a scene you may want to orchestrate the gift-opening so that only you are privy to the tantrum you are fearing.
Re-purposing
Every parent I know has a story about kids playing with boxes. Big boxes are great toys for kids. Toddlers climb in and out of them and school-age kids can make a great fort or pirate ship from an appliance box. Give your child crayons or markers, glue and magazines full of pictures they can cut out and they will spend hours creating and re-creating this toy.
A dress-up box or trunk is another favourite. Your old clothing, shoes and jewelry will be a great hit. And you can really jazz it up by hitting the discount stores for a feather boa and big elaborate hat. How about a man's coat for an aspiring detective or a cowboy shirt?
You're in charge
The point is you don't have to be a slave to the advertising. You choose how much your children will have and you choose how they will receive it. That's part of your job as a parent.
It's fun to buy, make and provide great playthings for our kids. And you will enjoy it all the more when you are not resentful of the outrageous costs and instead are excited about the possibilities. Your children will appreciate the bought toys, the used toys and the recycled playthings and learn the value of what they have.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at www.parentingtoday.ca.
