It's time for me to remember the realities of toilet training.
Some say "toilet learning" some say "potty training," and some avoid the subject altogether. No matter what we call it, the goal is to get kids out of diapers and using the toilet. My last foray into the world of toilet training was in the early 1970s. My grandchildren are now two years old so the topic is again on my personal agenda.
I once spoke at a trade show in Toronto and the focus was on life and balance, and the booths included new nutritional supplements, medical advances and fitness plans. It was all very up-to-date and trendy, but parents wanted to talk to me about toilet training. So let's talk about it.
Yes, it may be that previous generations of mothers had their babies trained at very young ages, and there are reasons for this. First, it was Mom who was trained. She carefully monitored baby and caught her before she wet her diaper. Many used timers and were extremely vigilant at the task. The motivation was high. Nothing like cloth diapers, wringer washers and clotheslines to motivate moms to get their kids out of diapers. It's hard to judge who was actually trained, but the kids were out of diapers at a much younger age.
You have probably noticed that I only mention Mom. That was the case in the past. It was easier to toilet train kids because generally only moms were involved in the process so there was consistency. Today, moms, dads, babysitters, childcare providers, and often grandparents, work together in caring for our youngsters. Then there are these great new diapers. New advances in disposable diapers with magic wicking function means that kids wearing these diapers have no idea that they are wet. No longer do we see toddlers with wet legs and soaking wet pants. So if Mom doesn't have to slave over a wringer washing machine followed by hanging the diapers out on the line and Junior isn't walking around dripping wet, where is the motivation?
It comes from wanting to grow up, to be like everyone else. Babies learn to walk and talk because they see it all around them and it seems like a good idea. We walk and talk with them and soon they get the idea and start to imitate us and learn.
Kids today tend to grow up in homes with few siblings and many bathrooms. What this means is there are fewer opportunities for them to imitate what they see. If Mom and Dad tend to use the ensuite attached to their bedroom and older siblings have a couple of bathrooms to choose from, it's more of a challenge for Junior to watch and learn. So those are some of the reasons why we have a more difficult time today.
Now, let's get positive. As with all learning, timing is everything. If you catch your toddler when she's ready for toilet training, it can be a piece of cake. Girls are usually ready earlier than boys. You can consider starting with girls at around two and with boys at around 2½. But besides gender or age there are some signs of readiness.
A dry diaper for close to two hours is the first sign that your child can hold it. She needs to make the connection between her body and her diaper so watch for when she indicates that she knows her diaper is full or wet.
Many families find it's a good idea to have a potty chair around from when the child is about 18 months of age so she gets used to it. Then when you decide the time is ripe, let her know. Tell her you think she's now ready to use the chair just like Mom and Dad use the toilet. Be matter-of-fact and relax. That is so important, I will repeat it: be matter-of-fact and relax. When the time is right, offer your child the opportunity to get out of diapers. If he balks, back off and wait. When he is successful don't over-react. It's not a Nobel Prize event. Be pleased and positive. Don't talk about it all the time. Nobody wants to be asked every five minutes if they need to pee. Do ask, but be reasonable. If you see that he's been engrossed in a game for awhile, then ask. If you know he had a big glass of water an hour ago, then ask.
Let your child set the pace. I remember asking my daughter if she wanted to wear training pants or diapers, and one day after a week of mainly dry pants she asked for diapers. Two hours later she was running a fever. Obviously at some level she knew she was not ready to handle the responsibility of getting herself to the bathroom that day. After she had recovered from her short bout of illness she never wore diapers again. Accidents will happen. Stay calm. Let your child help with the cleanup and move on. We need to understand that when the time is right your child will figure it out, want to get into big-kid underwear and suddenly diapers will be a thing of the past.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. parentingtoday.ca.
