I am one of those grandmas who is completely gaga over her grandchildren and love every moment I spend with them.
One of the biggest differences between grandparenting and parenting is that as grandma I can always be totally focused on the child. For example, if I am changing a baby’s diaper my whole energy and attention is on that task. But when I was a mom I had to consider whether there were clean diapers, a change of clothing, or if it was time to feed the baby. Parenting brings with it all the details, but grand-parenting takes all that out of the picture.
However, I have learned that not all grandparents enjoy this reality. Statistics show that in 2016 at least 13,000 children and youth were being raised by grandparents or other relatives.
These relatives stepped in when the parents are unable to do so. The top reasons are death, mental health issues, substance abuse, incarceration, abandonment, child abuse or neglect and violence in the home. Fortunately, these families have the support of Parent Support Services Society of B.C. They offer support circles, a support line and respite.
I know that if my grandchildren needed me to take over their care I wouldn’t think twice, I would be there for them. But I also know that at my age it would present challenges I didn’t experience when my children were young and so was I. Children who are being cared for by relatives other than their parents are experiencing serious issues. The fact that their parents cannot care for them means they are likely experiencing some traumatic experiences such as death, child abuse or dealing with a mentally ill parent.
PSS executive director Carol Madsen notes that “Many of these families experience financial hardship because they may use of all their retirement savings for child-raising.” She adds that according to a University of Victoria School of Social Work research project 68 per cent of the children being raised by grandparents or other relatives had physical, emotional or behavioural challenges.
Grandparents who take up this responsibility do not have time to plan or get organized for this role. They do not expect to be parenting, they have planned on travel, personal projects and relaxation in retirement.
But here they are, parenting again. According to Madsen, “There is ample evidence that children and youth raised by their kin, rather than foster care, have increased positive outcomes. These children are able to maintain community and family attachment and a lifetime sense of belonging.”
The Ministry of Child and Family Development recognizes this fact yet many grandparents are facing barriers (legal and financial) to providing this care.
PSS is using Grandparents Day Sept. 10 to celebrate all grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. These relatives are making a huge difference in the lives of thousands of children. They deserve to be honoured.
These celebrations will take place throughout the Province. In the Lower Mainland head to the New Westminster Quay from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The event will include live music, entertainment, kid’s games and more.
This event is being put on by PSS, which is a non-profit, volunteer-based society and registered charity dedicated to protecting the safety and well-being of children and promoting healthy families.
The Parent and Grandparent Support Circle Programs provide free facilitated weekly educational support groups for parents, grandparents, and other kinship caregivers.
PSS also runs the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Line which is the only one in Canada which provides support, advocacy and resource information to grandparents and other relatives raising a family member’s child.
I am fortunate that I am a grandmother to my three grandchildren who have heathy and secure parents. It’s important that I, and all grandparents, support those who are stepping into the breach and doing a wonderful job raising the next generation of children despite the challenges their families are facing.
Kathy Lynn is the author of Vive la Différence, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at [email protected]
