Her mom has heard her tossing and turning at night, and during the day she just isn't her usual bouncy self.
Sophie is going to be starting high school in the fall and her mom is pretty sure that she is worrying about this major school change. If she confronts Sophie and says that she knows Sophie is nervous about going to high school she runs the risk of being wrong. Maybe she had a fight with her best friend or she's worried about her summer job.
When we see a change in our child's behaviour it's a good idea to talk to them but not to assume that we know what is going on.
So instead of jumping in with our guesses and giving unsolicited advice, it's better to simply describe our concern, for example: "I heard you tossing and turning in bed for the past two nights and have noticed that you seem a little down. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
It is likely that you are correct and it's the transition to high school that is the problem. So what is the first step to helping our kids cope with this big change?
It's best to start by listening. Her concerns may be quite different from what you expect, so listen. Often just the fact that she's being heard and is able to talk about her worries will be enough. Let her know that her concerns are normal, that lots of the other kids are having the same experience, and remind her that every kid in her class will be new to high school.
One way parents can be helpful and supportive is to become involved in the school's parent committee. Just because your kids are no longer in elementary school is no reason to back away.
Research shows that when parents are involved in their children's school, the kids do better.
Make sure to attend the parent nights, as well as the meetings and events. You will get to know the administrators, counsellors and some of the teachers.
This makes it easier to support your child because you have a sense of what's happening in her school, and if there is a problem you will be visiting the office of a school administrator you have already met.
There's nothing worse than having to go to the school to speak with a teacher or principal about a serious topic when you have never met that person.
August seems to be the time when parents and teens head off to buy school clothes. I recommend you wait. Let your child go to the school for a couple of weeks and find out for certain what the style is in that particular school that year. You don't want to purchase a whole wardrobe only to have her find out that she has all the "wrong" clothing.
Try not to regale your child with stories of your high school experiences. If they were awful you will just raise her anxiety level. If you were a popular student that can also cause her to be anxious because you've set a standard she may not believe she can reach.
Most kids will be moving schools with students they know from the previous year, but what if your child is new to the school?
This can be tricky because all the kids are new to the teachers so they won't know which of their students are new to the neighbourhood.
It's a good idea to encourage your kids to participate in some extracurricular activity. That way they can more easily meet other kids who share their interests. Being a soccer player or an amateur actor can provide a teen a place to fit in at any school.
Finally, make sure they know how to get from home to school. Walk the route with them or take the bus so that by September they will be ready to join the big kids at high school.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. Website: www. parentingtoday.ca.
