Did you make your bed this morning? Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t, but in any case it really doesn’t matter. It’s your room and it’s up to you.
So why are we so insistent that our children make their beds every morning? Why does it matter?
Trying to have your child keep her bedroom consistently neat and tidy is a challenge. And the question is, why bother?
Often the main cause for messy bedrooms is the child’s need to develop his own identity and a big part of that is their bedroom. It is their space and they want it to be different from the rest of the house. Ironically, many kids would be unsettled if the rest of the house was as untidy as their bedroom. They want their space to be unique and uniquely theirs.
Kids, particularly tweens and teens, also develop a decor that defines their identity. Whether it’s the posters of their heroes who could be musicians, actors, dancers or athletes or a study of a certain belief system which might be environmental or political.
Once our kids are in their teens their room is their sanctuary. It’s where they go to think, to escape from the stresses of their world or to spend hours chatting with their friends.
So what’s a parent to do? For the most part, respect that this is their space and let them keep it in a way that makes them feel comfortable.
But there do need to be some rules. First rule of great importance is that food garbage cannot be stored in the room. Food attracts little critters that tend to crawl out and invade the whole house. And there is the matter of smell which also involves the whole house. So anything that reaches beyond their private space into the public domain is not acceptable.
The next rule will be about the decor. Certain things will not be tolerated. Nudes, pornography or hate literature in any form would likely come under that heading. If your child has something offensive in his room, don’t just arbitrarily demand its removal. Instead sit down and discuss the reasons why the material is offensive. Your teen needs to know that while the room is his, the house is that of the whole family and family morality will prevail.
It is important that you know your child has the skills and ability to clean his room. So work with him. Maybe you need the room cleaned because you are having house guests who may be sleeping in his room. This is a great chance for you to teach him how to do the job. Work with him, don’t do it for him.
While you’re cleaning, you may be able to discover some ways to help him keep the room tidier without forcing a constant fight for daily cleanup. But bookshelves or a bulletin board can go a long way to improving the tidiness of the space. Some kids who seem to collect paper would benefit from a two-drawer filing cabinet or a desk with a file drawer.
The bottom line is that your kids will learn how to clean house when they are asked to clean other spaces in your home. Meanwhile, they need a space that gives them refuge and comfort. And you can simply close the door and let them have that space.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
