In the early 1970s when my children were born, I never would have contemplated that my daughter would become an engineer and my son an Internet whiz.
How did this happen and what was my role in their career choices and professional development? As parents our role is to encourage and support, to be open to possibilities, to listen to and respect our kids' interests and to be flexible as their interests change and develop. Even more importantly, our job is to help our children understand that they are unique, with special abilities. Let's take a look at these roles. Three-year-old Justin just loves big vehicles. His friend Riley can name every kind of dinosaur. These are not unusual interests for kids of this age but it's what the parents do that will make the difference.
You can take kids to the library and find books that they can read about their interests. Watch for activity books that they can use. Even though you know this is likely a phase and will pass, treat it seriously while it lasts. Your kids will soon learn that you will support and encourage them. They'll also develop the habit of researching anything that interests them. Seven-year-old Miranda is fascinated by Play Doh; she can spend hours manipulating it, forming bowls and sculptures. Her friend Kendra is dramatic. Everything she does is a performance. Is Miranda destined to be a great artist and Kendra an Oscar-winning actress? Probably not, but they deserve to have their current interests recognized. Miranda would probably love the children's pottery classes at the local community centre and Kendra can join a kid's drama group.
The trick is that these interests may last, but are often short-term. But each time we respect their current passions, we give a message of support. They learn that they should try new things that intrigue them. If at the end of the pottery class or drama session they decide to move on, respect that.
Sometimes we get so excited at the prospect of having a child who will become a great pianist or hockey player that we stop listening to them when they are ready to try something new. And sometimes, if our child stays with an activity for a number of years, we feel we have contributed so much in time and money that they owe it to us to continue.
Just when your child has reached a level where they may win medals or scholarships, they decide to move on. Our job is to respect that and be careful that we see all their pursuits as part of their maturation, not as a means to an end.
For the most part, however, it's wise to ask your children to follow through to the end of a course or sports season before they quit. The exception is when the course is a negative experience (a coach or teacher who insults your child, for instance).
We know our children better than anyone else and can often identify their unique skills. Teens are not skilled at looking at their interests and abilities in an objective fashion. They often don't even recognize their talents. If they are great athletes they usually know it. Other skills are more challenging.
Let's say you and Lindsay, your 15-year-old daughter, go to visit a friend at her new home. Your friend gives you a tour of the new place. It's an older home with many interesting features. On the way home your daughter talks incessantly about what could be done to renovate the place. You are blown away by the detail she expresses and the practicality of her ideas.
Tell her that she has an amazing talent. Let her know that there are career opportunities for her if she's interested. She will think that anyone walking in that house would see what she did. She needs you to tell her that while you could see that there should be ways to enhance that house, you couldn't see how it could happen. We have an important role in encouraging, supporting and educating our children to their possibilities.
And each year on their birthdays, we reflect on who we were at their age and who they are today. And we celebrate.
