My grandchildren are extremely fortunate.
They are fortunate that they are healthy, that they were born to their particular parents and that they were born in Canada.
We would like our children to understand and be grateful for the gifts they have been given. But it's a challenge because we don't want them to feel guilty. After all, they really had nothing to do with their good fortune.
Monisha Vasa, author of Gratitude: Helping Our Children Count Their Blessings, makes the point that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a perspective of gratitude.
"Gratitude gives children a more thankful attitude as they move through life," she says, and it improves their overall happiness and wellbeing.
"Fortunately, encouraging gratitude in kids does not have to take lots of time and effort."
She notes that there are three quick strategies parents can use with their children: make gratitude a family affair, make it tangible and make it simple.
So what can this look like and what would work for you and your family?
Children learn by watching and imitating. If you've ever watched a group of children playing house, you can quickly see how events played out in their homes over the past 24 hours. If you make it a point to incorporate gratitude into your routine as a family your children will imitate you. So when you tuck them in at bedtime you might casually note that you're grateful that you made it to the gas station this morning before you ran out of gas. It's just a simple comment and your child may or may not respond. But he's hearing you express gratitude for a simple situation. You don't have to make this a daily practice - you should make these comments when you are feeling them. If you try to make them too often, the kids will stop listening because the comments will feel stilted. Be genuine and do share with your kids when things have gone well.
One idea that Dr. Vasa mentions for making it tangible is to create a Happy Jar and have everyone write on a piece of paper something that made them happy that day and drop it into the jar. You can take some out and read them weekly or monthly or whenever.
On the other hand, you might feel that using the jar that way would put undue stress on a child to come up with examples. What if your son had a lousy day? Being forced to come up with something that made him happy could cause him to believe that he can't moan when things are going badly.
So, if I were to have such a jar it would be something any family member could add to whenever they felt like it.
In my view, that respects all their feelings, not just their happiness. We keep it simple by pointing out that we can be grateful for small pleasures such as a sunny day. Dr. Vasa points out that it can be challenging to learn concepts such as mindfulness, compassion, and gratitude as adults.
"Encouraging these behaviors from a young age can help provide a strong foundation for our children. The fundamentals of resilience and well-being begin in childhood."
Let's help our children, and ourselves, by sharing the importance of gratitude in creating a happy, healthy life.
In the bigger picture, we can be talking to our children about the refugees who are coming into our neighbourhoods and may be joining them in their classrooms. Those children have had a much more difficult childhood to this date and are likely grateful to be in Canada.
Our kids can befriend these kids and share their stories. This will help our kids get a perspective on their good fortune. They will also learn that they can share their good life with their new friends by helping them learn how we live in Canada.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
