"IT'S not that he can't dress himself," a frazzled parent explained to me as I was giving a presentation on teaching independence, "It's just that he takes forever. I end up nagging, yelling, threatening. It's a lousy start to the day."
Whether we're talking about a preschooler a teenager or anything in between, parents are frustrated by just how long it can take their kids to perform the simple task of getting dressed.
Clearly, this simple process is actually complex and challenging when you're four years old. Tiny fingers can find buttoning shirts harder than we think. So, Step 1 is simple clothing. T-shirts, elastic waistbands, Velcro and snaps can make life easier for all.
But that's not the only issue. Preschoolers get distracted by their clothing and start to play. Think about a sock. Put it on your hand and you have a puppet. Tie two together and you can swing it around and what about exploring other body parts you might place your sock on. Boys have a distinct advantage with this one.
These kids are also not driven by the same schedules as we are. They will get dressed eventually, so what's the problem. Easy for you, you need to get out the door on time but for them it's just not important.
So, make it a rule that everyone has to be dressed before they eat. Hunger will drive them to pull on their clothing and head to the kitchen for breakfast.
Another issue is choice and the older the child the bigger the problem. A tween can take forever choosing her clothing and end up trying and rejecting outfit after outfit. Heavens, sometimes we adults do that!
Choosing clothing the night before is helpful. Have the kids of any age lay out their entire outfit before they go to bed.
Then, in the morning there are no choices to be made.
Develop a morning routine. Sit down with the kids, let them know what you need to have happen in the morning and why. Then engage them in a discussion of how best to accomplish what is needed.
This can work with kids of all ages. With preschoolers you will be more directive but do let them have some input. The more children are involved in the process of accomplishing a task, the more they are invested in making it work. Let them know that you can try the plan for a week and then revisit to see if it's working for everyone.
Work with the kids to organize their closets and dressers so it's easy to find what they need.
Sometimes kids dawdle because they just don't like their clothing. Bring them shopping with you when you are buying their clothing. You can check out the racks with appropriate choices at good prices then let them select. So you can say, "You can choose two shirts from this rack and one pair of pants from that one." Now they have clothing they like and will wear and you have stayed within your budget. Everyone wins.
There is also the issue of what kids choose to wear. A preschooler may come to breakfast all dressed and beaming. You look up and my goodness. Did you ever imagine one child could wear so many different colours and layers at one time? Stay quiet. I guarantee you that the childcare provider or preschool teacher has seen it all and will never assume you chose the outfit.
I once saw a three-year-old show up at preschool with his jeans on backwards. His mother had no idea why he had done that but it seemed pretty deliberate so she stayed quiet and took him to preschool.
The teacher got it immediately. She looked at this little one and said, "Simon, I see you dressed yourself this morning." Simon beamed.
How could she have known he did it alone unless his way of dressing was unique? The next day he put his pants on frontwards and life went on.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at www.parentingtoday.ca. You can also buy books or sign her up to offer a dynamic workshop for your group.
