I was doing some fall yard cleanup when I saw my neighbour coming to my front gate with his Rottweiler.
I took a deep sigh and, while straightening up from the pile of leaves I was hovered over, I calmly said to myself, "Uh boy, here we go."
Rick is a nice enough man but for a few months now he has been wanting his Rotti to meet my dogs, especially Zumi, and I keep putting him off because, well, I don't want to!You see, he has this big chip on his shoulder. His female Rottweiler is huge and he is always talking about how fast, strong, big, aggressive, etcetera, she is.
I know that even though he says he wants to have the dogs greet and be canine neighbours, he is secretly hoping his dog and my German shepherd Zumi will have a conflict and that his dog will win and he can have something else to add to his ego baggage.
My neighbour is not the only person with this type of innate insecurity. Many people of both sexes seem troubled by their ego's need to have a tough dog. Heck, the insidious sport of dog pit fighting was born from this egotistical place.
The ego has no place in dog ownership. When the ego gets involved we make poor choices and often place ourselves, and our dogs, in compromising positions that end badly. The ego is rarely friendly with good intentions.
Putting the ego in the back seat is not easy. In the heat of an egocreated situation, it takes the mindfulness of a Zen master to observe oneself, listen to the words running through our head and have enough foresight to see what the end result might be if we are to follow the ego's lead.
It takes courage to make a choice that seems completely contrary to our ego's incessant urgings and in opposition to what we have done in the past - a choice that may seem
like you are stepping down, turning your back or being a coward. But walking away and choosing peace over conflict shows genuine integrity, a characteristic quickly thrown to the curb when the ego comes calling.
Our dogs teach us many things as we share our lives with them and one very big lesson is being mindful of the ego. In my life, my dog Zumi and my horse Tex have been the two biggest contributors to my ego awareness. I'll share stories of Tex another time.
Zumi is now a senior dog with hip dysplasia and an arthritic degenerative spine. In our 11 years together I have learned to put my ego aside while managing her naturally dominant, protective, take-charge behaviour and while trying to create peacefulness within her so she chooses calm behaviours, not aggression. In doing so I have learned to create peacefulness within myself and choose calm, non-reactive behaviours over reactive ones.
In her final years and failing physical health, Zumi now relies on me to "have her back" when other dogs are around. The best she can do around other dogs is look at me with implicit trust in her eyes and then sit, never mind trying to defend herself from a dog with conflict on its mind.
I keep her close, gently touch the top of her head and peacefully whisper in her ear to stay calm and that everything is OK. She no longer has to watch out for me or the rest of the pack. Then we walk away from other dogs without incident.
If I spent the last decade letting my ego win while picking up the pieces after a dog fight, there is no way she would trust me now, during the most vulnerable time of her life.
I share this insight with my neighbour Rick. I tell him about Zumi's hips and back and explain how I would never place her in a situation that would compromise the trust and bond we have developed over the years.
He looks away from me quickly, with a tear welling up in the corner of his eye, and I see the chip slowly slide off his shoulder.
Joan Klucha has been working with dogs for more than 15 years in obedience, tracking and behavioural rehabilitation. Contact her through her website k9kinship.com.
