Unless you’re blessed with a lover’s heart and a poet’s hand, expressing your feelings for another person can be difficult.
We asked Roger Farr, of the English department and the Creative Writing Program at Capilano University, for some tips for writing love letters this Valentine’s Day.
Love letters have been around for so long, what is their appeal?
Generally, love between two people only becomes “real” when it has been expressed and acknowledged. In other words, it has to be verbalized and agreed upon.
It may well be that the act of choosing one’s words carefully, with the intent of pleasing and attracting another person, is inseparable from the very notion of love.
Are love letters still relevant in this day and age?
If the ultimate goal of the love letter is to close distance and separation, they are definitely still relevant, perhaps more than ever. But they are taking forms we may not be familiar with. “Sexting” is a good example.
Are there different types of love letters people can write?
The type or form of the letter should be considered in relation to the qualities of the beloved, so there are indeed innumerable types of love letters. One of the earliest forms was the acrostic poem, in which the first letters of each line spell the name of the beloved when read vertically. This is a very refined form of praise.
Should love letters always be written like a poem?
Not necessarily. If the beloved is pleased by poetry, then it makes sense.
The great benefit of writing a poem is that its form automatically suggests that care has been put into the writing, that words have been chosen with intent. The formal pressures of a poem charge language with more intensity. And the inevitable failure of the poem to “get it right” is always endearing to the beloved.
How should someone start a love letter?
Just the beloved’s name: it’s direct, slightly unsettling, and communicates certainty.
What types of sentiments should someone include in a love letter?
If writing to a woman, it is important to include intimate details from time spent together (memories, stories, places, etc.) along with physical praise.
Generally, the former should come first and should balance out the latter. When writing to a man, be sure to give concrete examples of his skills and confidence, and indicate why they are so uniquely attractive.
Is there anything someone shouldn’t include in a love letter?
Never, ever, mention your attachments to other people. That and clichés.
Do you have any tips for someone who has never written a love letter before and wants to know how to organize their thoughts or what they want to say in the letter before they start writing?
I would say begin with two or three short narratives of time spent together.
Aim for less than 250 words per “moment.”
If you have a hard time getting started, just describe a photograph of your beloved, or of you together. Then make a list of attractive physical attributes and unique skills and abilities. Once you have those elements, you can work them into a suitable form.
Do you have any other general tips about writing a love letter?
Sincerity takes courage. You have to risk embarrassment and vulnerability. If you don’t feel that when you are writing, go further.
If you are a reader, I highly recommend Andre Gorz’s Letter to D.
