If you have a child in senior high, you know that you and your child are in for a tough couple of weeks.
Yes, it's exam time and for our kids the stress can be overwhelming. We want to help and support them, but what are the best ways to handle this challenging time? When I was in Grade 12 I had the perfect situation for studying for my final exams. I went to stay with my grandparents. I am the oldest of six siblings and you can imagine that trying to bear down and study in a house with five younger kids and two parents could be a bit of a problem. So I left for a few weeks.
To make things even better, my grandparents instinctively knew what I needed to make this a good experience. My grandmother had taught in a one-room schoolhouse and she must have harkened back to her memories of exams and the stress her students felt. Or maybe she was simply a wonderful, wise elder. Either way (or both) I was the beneficiary.
Based on that event and my experience talking to hundreds of parents over the years, here are some ways you can reduce the stress for your child and help her to become more effective and efficient in her studies.
It's tempting to want to remind our kids that they need to study. Well, we would say we are reminding them; they would probably call it nagging. It is hard to stay quiet but studying and writing exams is the job of the student. In fact, once kids are getting homework it's theirs, not yours. Your job is to support them but not do their work. It's not up to you to ensure that they learn everything that they need to know. Lecturing and pushing will not work and won't teach them how to take responsibility for their own education.
There are ways you can support them during exams. Once they are into the throes of studying and writing exams, you can relieve them of their regular responsibilities. If they usually cook dinner once a week or start the meal before you get home, they can let this go during these weeks. Let them know that their studying is the most important activity at this time, so they should put all their energy into hitting the books.
This not only gives them more study time, it lets them know that we believe that studying for these exams is important and can be a motivator for them to stick to it and do the best they can.
Cook nutritious meals for them and have them sit at the table and eat properly. If they don't eat well, they won't be able to think properly and the time they spend studying just won't be effective. Besides meals, bring them snacks while they work. Just slip in, put a drink or some fruit on the desk and leave quietly.
My wonderful Grandma would call me out for lovely dinners and, except for helping clear the table, expected me to continue to study after dinner, not do dishes. My grandparents took on that role.
There were some hot June days and I remember Grandma would slip in the room and put an icy cold glass of lemonade with a cookie or two on the desk and then slip out. Somehow she always knew exactly when I needed that pick-me-up.
While putting the emphasis on study, understand the need and value of some leisure to reduce the stress. It's not a bad thing to take the occasional break. Watching a favourite TV show, going for a run, or chatting with a friend on the phone are positive, and not wasting time. If you're worried that she is going to watch TV all night a simple comment such as, "Taking a short break, eh?" is helpful. When parents are bugging their children to study every second, they can easily go into their rooms and goof off. Many actually study far fewer hours than if they take some breaks.
Studying is hard work.
When they are tired, encourage them to get enough sleep. All-night study sessions are not very healthy. Mind you, with the older kids it may happen and if it does, just be supportive and caring.
Finally, remember you are there to support them, but only they can decide to study. It's their education and their exams so if they choose to goof off despite your support, they will have to deal with the outcome.
With your support they will do their best and can then enjoy the summer and look forward to the fall with energy and excitement.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. Sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
