When you are looking for quality childcare you are extremely careful.
You do your due diligence and make a choice based on a number of criteria determined by you. You trust that you are leaving your child in good hands.
Or do you? If you are having your child monitored by a nanny cam and interrupt your day hourly to check in, what is really going on?And that is only the start. There are a growing number of devices on the market to allow parents to monitor their children on a regular basis. I hear that besides home cameras, there are GPS devices that can be strapped to a child's backpack or wrist to monitor his movements.
One of my favourite books for parents of teens is based on actual teen discussions about what they need from their parents. The title says it all: Hear Me, Hug Me, Trust Me by Dr. Scott Wooding.
My guess is that we are most likely to explore using technology as a parenting tool when our children are babies and again when they are teens.
With the childcare issue, I believe that when you have found quality childcare, you trust the caregivers. You, of course, pay attention to what you see when you are with the caregiver. You drop in at unusual times occasionally and notice your child and his behaviours. But the point is, you need to continue to be an effective employee and your kids need to be in a safe and nurturing environment.
So, now let's take a look at our teens. We do worry about them because they can get into all kinds of trouble.
Wooding says that kids want to be heard, to be cared about and to be trusted. Using technology as a parenting tool runs a serious risk of undermining hearing them and trusting them.
If, on the home camera, you see your child stub out a cigarette before he enters the house, are you going to listen or simply attack? Is he going to be able to tell his side of the story or are you so upset because, after all, you know what you saw, that you would launch into an anti-smoking lecture before letting him speak?
The trust issue is pretty clear. If we are actively supervising our children day and night, in and out of the house, how can they ever have the sense that we trust them? The lack of privacy is astronomical and teens need some privacy to become independent and capable young men and women. Think about it. If your every move is being monitored, you never need to step back and consider the consequences of your actions. If you blow it your ever-vigilant parent will jump right in to instruct you.
It also will lead to secrecy.
Our kids are smart. They will learn how to avoid the cameras or tracking devices when they want to step outside the limits. So there is a GPS finder on their backpack. Easy. Leave the backpack in your locker at school, then head out, and skip classes, getting back just in time to recover the pack.
In a Globe and Mail article by Adam Bisby he quotes a parent as saying "I don't think cameras are a great parenting tool, but if it allows you to trust them and feel a little more comfortable, then sure." My comment would be "I don't think cameras are a great parenting tool because they tell my child that I certainly don't trust him and this will make our relationship more uncomfortable."
If you put your energy into ensuring that throughout their childhoods your children are learning how to make good decisions, how to problem-solve and how take responsibility for their own actions, you will be much further ahead along the road to raising capable young adults.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author. Sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
