LOVE is a four letter word . . . isn't it?
Love is an emotion, a feeling, some people will even say it's an addiction.
It can bring you up to the highest peaks and send you down to the deepest holes. It makes us feel complete, like we belong, are grounded . . . balanced. It allows us to forgive, show compassion and understand what it's like to live in another persons shoes.
Love can do many things but it cannot train our dogs.
In fact, training a dog with love is like teaching a potato with ketchup. Yes, I realize that last half of the sentence made no sense at all, but that's the point.
The reason I am bringing this up is that I am beginning to get a bit concerned by how dog people are
anthropomorphizing their dogs which results in an increase in aggression in dogs either to other dogs or people. The dogs are confusing our display of inappropriately placed, loving affection as a lack of authority and leadership.
You might find this a bit ironic coming from one who often speaks of dogs as our guides and teachers in life, but there is a line that has to be drawn between viewing dogs as our spiritual guides in life and understanding that dogs are still the species Canis lupis familiaris - a domesticated wolf. That line is meant to be grey and a bit wavy at the edges, but still be there, so we can understand that you cannot have one without the other.
It's sort of like the contradiction of duality: one life experience serving two purposes.
In other words, it means learning how to show love and be loving, while still maintaining a level of benevolent and compassionate authority. It's about maintaining our integrity and not allowing our ego to take over.
It means recognizing the ego's insecurities created by a lack of self-love and a need to feel loved and projecting that insecurity onto our dogs.
Whew. Big job, huh? It's supposed to be.
Anyway, back to training our dogs.
It is completely possible to be loving towards our dogs and still be good pack leaders.
You just have to recognize when you are projecting your need for love and affection onto your dog, and when you have feelings of guilt and fear of being unloved by your dog if you think that they somehow find your behavior towards them displeasing.
Let's get this straight, your dog will never stop loving you (as we humans interpret love to be), never. It is not in a dog's nature to be unforgiving and unloving (only humans), but they will stop respecting you as a pack leader if you do not behave as an alpha domesticated wolf.
This whole love, respect and forgiveness issue came up with me this past weekend with my horse.
During a training session I had to be a bit more assertive than I have in the past, in order for us to manoeuvre around an obstacle safely.
If I did not take firm control he would have bucked me off and severe injury to me would have been certain.
After the lesson I was so distraught over my assertive dominance that I lavished him with apples, sugar cubes and kisses . . . towards a 1,000-pound animal.
I didn't want our bond to be broken, for my horse to stop loving me. Yet in the moment, I could not see that my assertiveness in the situation is what would improve our bond, not the treats back at the barn.
Confusion between love and respect is not uncommon for us humans. Some seem to think that respect is earned by being aggressive or a tyrant. The opposite is true with people, dogs and horses. Respect is earned by being fair, setting boundaries and insisting with kind yet assertive dominance that they be adhered to.
Love, being an emotion is something that is felt.
We cannot force another to have feelings for us and this is where things get a bit dodgy with our dogs. We assume that if we give them all the food, treats and space they want, and allow any behavior to be expressed without consequence that they will see how much we love them and love us in return.
The truth is, your dog will love you no matter what, but with weak leadership like that, they won't respect you.
