QUESTION:
This year, I saved $738.27 in gas by using my bike, lost 2.2 pounds (or one kilogram) and gained muscle on my thighs, enabling me to crack bowling balls.
All good, I am sure you agree.
Now with the money saved, I'm looking to purchase gifts for the family and wonder if you have any advice for Christmas shopping on a bike?
Answer:
First things first, kudos for the bowling balls! We here at Pedal Pushers are barely able to crush a tennis ball perforated by the neighbors' rabid dog.
To answer your question, science is required. You need to consider the weight-to-impression-factor, the height up the hill you need to cart your gifts - all measured against your budget and the total number of gifts. For example, a diamond ring meets all the criteria, but is perhaps not practical for your budget and might be hard for your parents to share. Practical gifts fit all the way inside panniers, front baskets or on your rack (that's rattrap for the older folks).
Stuff like kayak paddles or hockey sticks should not be carried crosswise on a bike.
Strap them to your top tube (don't put them too low or you'll only be able to turn right. Trust us, we know). Live pigs, dogs and other animals should be in cages securely tied down. Experience has shown that a pig throwing itself from side to side on the back of a bike causes a serious weave in your riding and makes the cops think you're drunk.
Oh, and finally on the matter of liquor, it's my sad duty to tell you that the more expensive the beverage you have purchased, the more likely you will be cut off by some driver, fall and break the bottles leaving you smelling like a distillery, but with none of the glow.
Ready for gift cards yet? Cycle safely out there and Merry Christmas!
P.S. Let us know about the weirdest thing you've ever carried on your bike at northshore. [email protected].
The Pedal Pushers are Dan Campbell, Antje Wahl, Anita Leonhard and Heather Drugge, four North Shore residents who use their bikes for transportation. They can be reached at northshore. [email protected].
