What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome.
That is exactly how I feel when I vacuum the dog hair in the house. No matter how thorough I think I am, or how efficient I think my vacuum is (or isn't - I'll get to that in a moment), as soon as I pack up the vacuum and put it in its little home in the laundry room until next time, which is usually the very next day, I will turn around and find a big black tuft of hair smack dab in the middle of the carpet. Or I will walk across the hardwood floor and a cluster of fur will scurry along behind me in the wake of my footsteps.
Insanity. . . expecting a different outcome when doing the same thing over and over again. Somehow, for some reason, I expect my house to remain clean, or at least dog hair free, for a period of time longer than five minutes.
It never happens.
Insanity.Two of my dogs have the kind of fur that sticks to everything. It floats in the air, you pull it out of your food, out of your mouth and out of your toothbrush. And one of my dogs has fur so short it can actually stab your bare feet like a sliver. Sometimes it will weave itself into the fabric of your clothing and continually poke at you all day, regardless of how many times you remove the article of clothing and search it for the annoying sliver of hair.
No amount of daily grooming helps. In fact, I suspect it makes the situation worse as the fur that is groomed while outside seems to float its way inside!
With the help of a lovely Cabernet, I've learned to tolerate the hair they leave behind, some days more than others. Coming from someone who has a touch of obsessive neatness disorder, that is saying a lot.
While drinking said wine and scooping the dogs' hair out of said wine glass, I came upon the idea of buying a winery and making wine called The Hair of the Dog, complete with a label with actual dog hair on it. Because I guarantee that there would indeed be hair in those bottles of wine somehow.
At one point in time I used to vacuum twice a day to keep ahead of the small furballs growing under the couch. Then during an evening of enjoying the company of a lovely Shiraz, I decided to give the hair balls names, figuring that after a day or so of not sucking them up, they might turn into an actual animal I could capture and set free outside and it would run far, far away - thus not having to haul the vacuum out ever again. But alas, that did not happen and, as you can see, I have quite an active imagination after a glass or two of wine.
Then I thought that the approach I needed to take was to find the ultimate in pet hair removal vacuums! But trust me, they don't exist. As much as they advertise thorough hair removal, they don't work. I challenge any vacuum manufacturer to show me a vacuum with lasting suction power that can actually clean up all the hair left behind from my three dogs on a daily basis, from all floors, carpets, furniture, beds, clothing and, surprisingly, the inside of my refrigerator.
Speaking of refrigerators. The dog hair that gets sucked under the refrigerator by the fan that keeps the engine cool actually affects the temperature settings in my fridge. This means that every couple of weeks I have to shove that behemoth of an appliance out of the way and suck up the carpet of dog hair that collects under there, otherwise my vegetables freeze.
Can there be a fridge designed for us dog owners that does not do this? Or at least one designed in a way that makes cleaning beneath and behind it easier? Yet, as I sit here with Raider's head on my lap while I swipe his hair off the keyboard and pull it out of my coffee cup, I realize that the level of insanity that is created by the never-ending cycle of cleaning is balanced out - and in most cases reversed - by the never ending cycle of this exact moment, the comfort of their presence, hair and all.
Joan Klucha has been working with dogs for more than 15 years in obedience, tracking and behavioural rehabilitation. Contact her through her website k9kinship.com.
