When is it OK to leave your child home alone?
On this subject, the St. John Ambulance notes that every situation is different and every child is different. I certainly agree. So, when can you run out to the store, go off to a meeting or join a friend for lunch and leave the kids alone?
"This is a fair question to ask and one that many parents struggle with, because it's not a matter of common sense, like leaving a three-year-old is an obvious 'no', and leaving a 16-year-old alone is an obvious 'yes'," states a St. John Ambulance press release. "The line seems blurry with those elementary school kids who fall somewhere in the middle."
Let's start with the rules: is there legislation to determine when a child can be home alone?
Actually no. It's up to parents to use their judgment on whether their particular child is ready.
If social workers get involved, they look at the child's age, maturity, ability to access help, their comfort level, and the amount of time the child is alone.
The first consideration is whether the child wants to be left alone. I remember when my children were ready to spend some time alone they told us that they got nervous if we were out after 10 p.m. "That's when the boogey-man comes out," they said. But during the day or early evening they were fine. It probably also helped that there were two of them.
Is your child generally responsible? Will he make good decisions and follow the family rules? Does he know his name, the names of his parents, his address and phone number and does he know when and how to call 9-1-1? Now, take a look at the neighbourhood. Are there people nearby he can call if he needs help or advice? Does he have the phone number of a neighbour who is willing to give him a hand if he needs it?
Have you explained to him how he should handle it if someone comes to the door or calls? A friend once told me that she called her sister's home and the 11-year-old answered the call. When she asked to speak to her sister, her niece explained that her mom was in the bath and would call back later.
Mom was actually out running errands and the child was home alone.
My friend was quite impressed that her niece was so clear that she wasn't to tell people she was home alone that she didn't even mention it to her aunt.
When you have determined that your child is ready to be home alone, start with short outings and it's best to start in the daytime when it's light outside.
Run an errand or two for 30 minutes or an hour and see how it goes. When you get home, does your child seem calm and organized or is she sitting by the door waiting anxiously? Make sure you set some clear rules abut your expectations when she is home alone. Can she invite a friend over to play? You may be comfortable with her having a particular friend over but no more. When you know that child well and understand the dynamics between the children you can make a decision. Let's face it, some kids are a good influence, but others are not.
Make sure you clarify the rules concerning internet access or other electronics.
Trust your instincts. If she is asking to be alone and it feels right, go for it.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
