Summer is a time of sunshine, beaches, long hot days and relaxation. It is also the time when your children want to give you the gift of their boredom.
Eight-year-old Olivia comes into the kitchen complaining that she's bored. Then she waits. What wonderful solution are you going to offer for her situation?
She has taken what is essentially her problem and made it yours. The first thing you want to remember is that the boredom is hers, not yours. So when she says she's bored a good reaction is to simply say, "Gee, that's tough." This lets her know that you've heard her but that you're not about to spend the next half-hour trying to come up with ideas.
Because the problem is that no matter what you suggest, she will demur. She doesn't want to do any art, she doesn't feel like calling Serena to see if she can come and play. As a matter of fact, she is no longer bored, she has engaged your attention and she's watching you come up with all kinds of solutions.
What happens if you decide that your child's stated boredom is not your problem? Eric shuffles into the room head down and moans, "I'm bored." Then he looks at you. What are you going to suggest and how is he going to criticize the suggestion? But to his surprise, you look at him and say, "Really, so what are you going to do about it?" "I don't know what to do," he responds and you just listen. Keep on doing what you're doing and see what happens. He will continue to complain. You can offer to have him help you with the laundry or the cooking.
Actually, often that's a great idea. It could be what he really wants is to spend some time with you. So invite him to join you.
But it could also be that he simply has no idea how to entertain himself. During the school year his life is a round of scheduled activities and down time is rare. So he needs to learn.
He will need suggestions, but not as a result of whining. Sit down with him once a week, take a look at his schedule and ask him what he'd like to do during the week. Do some planning but have him take the lead.
On the other hand, unscheduled down time is also important. So don't book every second of every day. Give him some time to simply be, to daydream. And if he's bored, it won't hurt him. As a matter of fact, once he realizes the world won't end with some free time he will become creative and surprise himself by what he decides to do.
When you see him sitting quietly staring off into space or lying on the grass watching the clouds go by, be pleased. He is dreaming his dreams and heaven knows what the results will be. Kids who never get to dream may not have dreams to follow. Don't interrupt or ask him what he was thinking. It's private and when he's ready to tell you he will.
Your role is to be supportive once he makes a decision. What if he and his sister decide to take out all their Lego, small cars and figures and create a town? You can provide some space and let them continue the play over a number of days. Make it a project that doesn't need picking up every night.
Or they may decide to set up a camp in the backyard. Once they have the decision in place you can help with the logistics of tent, sleeping bags and flashlights.
Make books available for reading, have art supplies at the ready, be prepared to turn lunch into a picnic in the backyard.
Boredom can be a gift and it belongs to your child. So relax, and let him learn whatever his boredom will teach him.
Most creative thinking and playing comes about as a result of boredom. As the child sits forlornly on the porch swing he can be daydreaming about his life ambition, about hobbies, about friends. He may come up with new perspectives on his life or ideas for new activities.
Kathy Lynn is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
