STAYING connected with your child's school is a challenge at the best of times, but when you are co-parenting it requires planning, coordination and cooperation between you and your co-parent.
You child is going to do better in school if he knows that both parents are involved in his education.
- Keep everyone on the same page.
It can be a challenge to maintain close communication when you are divorced but if you can hold regular meetings in person or by phone or email your child will benefit because you will have his life organized.
Simple responsibilities, such as remembering to bring your son's soccer cleats for his afterschool game, can become a daunting task if communication with the other parent is poor.
- Shopping is a job for both co-parents.
It is extremely important to coordinate the back to school shopping with your co-parent. This is a big job and should not all be dumped on either one co-parent. Back to school shopping includes shopping for school supplies as well as clothes. If you and your co-parent are in a high conflict relationship try to remember to not sweat the small stuff. If you don't agree on your co-parent's choice of clothing or school supplies try to compromise as best you can.
- Don't bring up child support issues.
Child support is a touchy subject and should generally not be discussed around your child. The beginning of a new school year is a time where kids show off all of their new stuff to their friends.
This desire for the latest and greatest things can put a strain on your wallet. It's important not to blame your inability to buy the most expensive things for you child on your child support payments or lack of child support. Do all that you can to avoid talking bad about your co-parent in front of your child. And remember there are plenty of two-parent families in a similar financial bind.
- Help your child with their daily schoolwork and projects.
When your child is residing at your home you should set a time and place for homework. The same goes for your co-parent as well. And it's important that you be there for them so that they can call on you whenever they need you. This will show them that you're there to support them in whatever they are doing, not just schoolwork. Also, try to coordinate with your coparent regarding your child's schoolwork. Let your coparent know about important due dates and if your child did not complete something before it was time to switch between homes.
- Attend important school events with your co-parent.
This may not always be possible if you and your coparent are in a high conflict relationship or if you have a no contact order by the court. If it is possible, it's much more effective when you and your co-parent are both able to sit down at school orientation, parent-teacher conference, or any other important event on behalf or your child. This is much better than one coparent attending and relaying the information to the other co-parent.
If you can't be together, each of you book a time to meet with the teacher so that you will each know what is going on in school.
- Keep the focus on your child.
Don't get caught up in unnecessary competition or arguments with your coparent. It's important to keep the focus on your child during this time and to let your child know that both you and your co-parent are there for comfort and support. Be as civil as possible given the situation between you and your co-parent.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Who's In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I'd Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at www.parentingtoday.ca. You can also buy books or sign her up to offer a dynamic workshop for your group.
