YOU are either reading this section of the paper because you are looking for Christmas gift guide suggestions or because you obsessively read every story in every issue of the North Shore News so that you can send the editor (me) grumpy emails about spelling errors and sloppy grammar.
Let's go with the former concept. Clearly, you know Christmas is coming. Likely you know it falls on Dec. 25 and you are already planning your gift purchases.
This suggests to me that you are a woman and therefore will derive no benefit from reading any further - although you should likely email this story from our website (www. nsnews.com) to your best beloved.
To my three remaining male readers, I say: This story could save your life, if by "save your life" we mean avoid an unpleasantly emotional scene with your girlfriend/wife/life partner.
Pop quiz time. Your girlfriend/wife/life partner's birth date?
The date you proposed or first swore undying love?
Your wedding anniversary or the date you moved in together?
Three for three? Didn't think so. Don't take it personally. It's not your fault. You're a man; objective, dispassionate. Remember, men don't talk about this sort o f stuff with other men, so these dates just don't pop up in conversation. I mean, have you ever experienced this at the pub?
Canucks fan watching game: "Luongo sucks."
Fan's friend, reflectively chewing peanuts: "When's your wife's birthday?"
Didn't think so. Of course one of you three has small enough fingers and the mental acuity to have figured out how to program the calendar alerts on your cellphone and has just realized this story isn't going to help you.
I'm thinking that the unimaginative one of my remaining two readers is checking his fingers surreptitiously and is trying to remember how to access his cellphone instructions.
So, to my one remaining and temporarily favourite reader - who I'll call Nigel because Nigels are generally useless: I have something to save your life.
Just in time for Christmas comes lazulu, the brainchild of -, B.C., resident Christopher Porter - who come to think of it looks a bit like a Nigel, Nigel.
Basically you give the website (lazulu. com) your email address and, here comes the tricky bit, Nigel, your best beloved's birth date and your special anniversary date. You should be well versed at rooting though the shopping bag she calls her purse for her driver's licence by now, but you may have to find your wedding certificate or a copy of the lease for the latter.
Once that's done, you can forget those dates again with a clear conscience. The website promises to send you timely email reminders along with a list of helpful gift item suggestions. Doubtless you will get something to prompt your holiday season purchasing in the spam, um, "intermittent specials" from lazulu.
You're welcome, Nigel.
