One day my 17-month-old grandson decided to help. He picked up a can of beans and looked at me. I asked him to bring it to the kitchen and with a minimum amount of direction he did so. We were both thrilled with this, his first actual chore.
He’s now five. On a recent playdate at our house he was expected to pitch in and pick up all his Lego before we headed home. He did so and proudly stowed the container in our grandchild toy corner.
We all know that it’s important that our kids do chores. But really, who needs the grief?
Little ones love to help but let’s face it, having them in the kitchen while we cook or the laundry room while we try to get all the laundry done can be more about having a child underfoot than having a true helper.
However, it’s important to have children help out around the house. It matters. But why?
Children need to know that they are needed as part of the family. In order to run a home, there are tasks that need to be done. For a toddler, that can be as simple as handing her parent the spoon she dropped or putting her arm through the sweater all by herself.
If we begin when our kids are young, by the time they figure out that housework is work and is to be avoided, it is already part of their routine. If we wait to start until they are 10, 12 or 16 it can be much more difficult to involve them in running the house.
The trick is to involve them when they are little and increase the level of task as they age.
Many parents tell me that they allow their kids to help when they want to and that is great. But there is more to this question of chores than just helping out when you feel like it.
There needs to be a level of expectation. In other words, certain jobs need to be done whether you want to or not.
Let’s face it, have you ever awakened on a beautiful morning, yawned, stretched and thought, “Whoopee, I get to clean the toilets today?”
So, once my grandson had the can of beans, I expected he would follow through with the task, which was to bring it to the kitchen. And, with a little guidance, he did just that.
But how do we accomplish this? The first step is to re-think our standards. The way a four-year-old sets the table might now meet our criteria, but if he’s doing his best, be appreciative.
Time is a big issue. Letting your child dress herself simply takes more time than doing it for her. So, schedule your time accordingly and let her finish the task on her own.
We also tend to think that a lot of jobs we ask of kids are so basic and simple that they will know how to do them automatically.
When we ask our eight-year-old to tidy the playroom we figure he knows what that means. But, he doesn’t. He hasn’t paid any attention when you tidy the room and his concept of what looks good is very different from yours.
So, walk him through the job. Let him know what you expect from him. If, when he announces he is done, you see that he hasn’t really accomplished much, go back to the job description and have him finish the task.
A great and supportive line to use is, “That’s a good start. Now let’s see what you need to do to finish the job.”
Work with him. It’s hard for kids to stay focused on chores so make it a joint project. You pick up all the Lego and put them away while he grabs all the toy cars.
A bonus of working with kids is that you are teaching them how you like to see the work done and you are setting up a habit of working together.
Kids who have a role in the running of the family see themselves as useful, necessary and trusted.
They learn problem-solving (what is the best way to tackle this toy cleanup?), decision-making (what shall I make the family for lunch today?) and values (how do I want our home to look?).
Involving the kids in family chores will help them to become more capable young adults. And while having them help when they are little can feel overwhelming, they become more competent and helpful as they get older.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
