When I was a kid, supercars came in an accepted shape.
There weren't that many around, but you could still spot them a mile away: wedgy, low, enormous spoilers and so many vents you'd think somebody had been attacking the bodywork with an axe.
The Countach, the Testarossa, the F40 - these were the poster cars we callow youths pasted on our wall and dreamed of owning. Unfortunately, then we all grew up.
However, many of us didn't grow all the way up. We may have a need for four doors and a spacious hatch, but there's an undercurrent of desire for those be-winged, impractical beauties.
Enter a car that nobody really needs in a sensible world of speed limits and tight parking. When I drove this red beast's less-powerful cousin, the S6, I thought to myself, "Fine. That's plenty fast, and probably too quick for the public roads. The turbodiesel would probably make more sense."
Audi, on the other hand, apparently looked for direction from Nigel Tufnel, lead guitarist of Spinal Tap. "Turn it up to 11," he said. They did.
Design
The A7 upon which the RS 7 is based is one of the prettier cars in that whole coupe-styled sedan segment being foisted on consumers. What's more, it's actually a little more practical than its pure sedan counterpart, with a tapered-but-useful liftback.
I think the wheels are possibly too big as equipped - 21 inches? What the heck for? - but you can get slightly more reserved 20s and worry less about punctures.
The Audi enthusiast will spot an RS 7 a mile away, with its unique front fascia and oval exhaust tips out back (these are just a facade), but to the casual observer, it's just a big Audi with big wheels. Sure, it says "quattro" up front, but the badging is surprisingly subdued.
There are no unsightly side badges, and no gaping fender vents. Should you order it in black or dark grey it would impress from the curb but not beat you over the head with shouts about its performance credentials. I like that.
Environment
Inside the very nicely appointed cabin, the RS 7 gets all the practical bits of its luxury sedan roots, coupled with very nice diamond stitched leather seats. Curiously, these don't have adjustable side bolstering, and feel more skewed to the comfort end of the spectrum than outright grip.
Headroom out back is compromised by that sloping roof, but for parents of younger children, the A7 frame is entirely workable. The liftback hatch doesn't provide much more space than the sedan, but it does make loading bulky objects much easier.
Probably the nicest interior feature, apart from speakers that rise out of the dashboard like twin USS Enterprises, is the layered silver-and-black trim that blends dark oak and aluminium. This wraps around the cockpit in a parabola, setting off the rest of the brushed-metal trim and a well-integrated screen.
However, it should be pointed out that it's possible to get almost all of this opulence in a lessexpensive A7 or S7. No, if you want to know what's special about the RS 7, we need to look under the hood.
Performance
Beneath the RS 7's fetching bonnet lies the work of a madman. Some lunatic has taken the standard car's twinturbo V-8 and turned the wick up by not 20 or 30 horsepower, but to a full 560 h.p. For comparison, the mid-engined, V-10-powered R8 makes 550 h.p. Ye Gods.
Because this engine would chew up and spit out Audi's seven-speed dualclutch transmission, a more conventional eight-speed automatic is fitted instead. Additionally, as an optional extra, this particular car dispensed with the adjustable air suspension in favour of fixed steel springs with adjustable dampers.
Loafing around town, the RS 7 feels a bit rough. If it's a case of simply wanting the biggest, most powerful Audi on offer, stick with the air-suspension, as the ride quality on rough roads in sport mode with those big 21-inch wheels is extremely bumpy. However, at highway speeds the RS 7 simply consumes distances in an unruffled manner.
Now, many of you are probably asking, "just what the heck are you supposed to do with 550 h.p.?" Good question. After all, British Columbia's speed limits were recently raised in places by 10 kilometres per hour, not 200.
But I want you to sit beside me on a flowing mountain road through the Cascades, behind a slow-moving RV that's doddering through the corners and ignoring the pullouts. See that dotted line coming up? A pretty short passing lane right? Watch this.
The RS 7 doesn't so much accelerate as it does leap immediately to ridiculous speed.
Sweet mother of pearl - there's a growl from the exhaust to let you know the twin-turbo V-8 is working, but there's simply so much torque on offer - 516 foot-pounds at as low as 1,750 r.p.m. - that the brain can barely comprehend the jump. Thanks to the all-wheel drive, there's also little drama; no tire squirm, no squealing, just instant thrust and you're around and into clear roads ahead.
It's quick through the corners too, but really, the RS 7's raison d'être is that momentary lunge in passing or on the on-ramp. Sure, this big red beast would probably hold its own on a track day, but as a street car, it's that momentary howl that'll put a grin on your face for the rest of the day.
In this way, it's a bit like the supercars of the past. Exploiting the actual performance isn't so much the point as that feel of coiled potential. You don't wring out the RS 7, you merely take its leash off briefly (very briefly - ay caramba) and then putter along knowing just what it can do.
The old adage is that it's more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow, but the RS 7 sort of puts this on its ear a bit, simply because it's so hilariously over-powered. It's too much, this thing, and that's excellent. Eleven out of ten.
Features
Despite an eye-watering starting price of $115,000, you still need to option up the RS 7 to get some of the amenities you want. That oak and aluminium trim will set you back $2,000, and the BO audio is a whopping $6,000.
Pricey indeed, but this car is actually significantly less expensive than rivals from BMW and Mercedes. Plus you can drive it year-round with snow tires - maybe I could try living in it. That'd justify the cost, surely.
Fuel economy hovered around 10.5 litres/100 kilometres in mixed highway driving, though the more you dip into the boost, the worse it gets. However, for such a big, powerful sedan, that's very impressive.
Green light
Outstanding power; reserved(ish) exterior; available luxury appointments; the power; yep, even more power.
Stop sign
Costly options; lack of spare tire; appetite for tires and brakes; slightly numb steering.
The checkered flag
A supercar without the vents and wings.
Competitor
BMW M6 Gran Coupe ($127,900): Also ridiculously fast, BMW's four-doored M6 is totally inappropriate for your Gran, so I don't know why they've called it that. Maybe if you put some doilies on the dash it might work.
Rear-drive only, the M6 is more of a track machine than the RS 7, with the latter being slightly more confident on the street. I'd give the optional matte paint a miss, unless you like washing your car every single day.
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