Skip to content

LAUTENS: We need a good laugh on the eve of casting ballots

I said I wouldn’t write about tomorrow’s municipal elections in West Vancouver. I lied.

I said I wouldn’t write about tomorrow’s municipal elections in West Vancouver. I lied.

After tense weeks of campaign speeches, promises, thickets of election signs, maybe the odd baby or dog kissed in search of a vote, I believe we need a good laugh on the eve of casting ballots.

And here it is:

“My husband and I voted last Saturday. I am happy with my choice, although I wish he/she had a space on the ballot. ‘Coyote in Area’ ... probably a fine individual, running a low-budget campaign with just a few signs to make his/her presence known. Will he/she get rid of the raccoons?”

So writes one of nature’s bravest souls, Terry Platt, able to smile through a hard battle against cancer – and concurrently having the universal pain of moving house with husband Ron.

Constant Reader knows of my high regard for Terry, whose courage was also proven years ago when she ran for the New Democrats against Ralph Sultan in one of the most socialist-unfriendly ridings in the province. To the credit of both, they liked and respected one another. Regarding coyotes, they might differ.

• • •

Now this, unfunny. Alleged campaign shenanigans aren’t confined to Richmond, Burnaby, New Westminster and Vancouver. At this writing I know of one unsubstantiated claim that four West Vancouver candidates’ signs have been stolen, and a fifth candidate claims a nighttime disappearing sign rate totalling about 30 per cent. No guessing who.

• • •

As for rumours, and when aren’t they raised during election campaigns, Agent Sfjy66 states that you can take this one to a mortgage broker: The Marine Drive site of Shoppers Drug Mart and the former much-loved Jim’s Hardware in Dundarave allegedly has been sold – asking price, $69 million, sold for $65 million.

If true, not likely for a planned restaurant, would you think?

A quarter of a century ago this business block was in decline. Now it’s a fine example of urban rebirth. I’d expect a riot of Dundarave merchants and customers if something large and tasteless is proposed for it.

• • •

This isn’t an election tale, so it’s safe. No council candidate would raise the issue.

You’d think WV councillors, entrusted with steering our town’s fortunes, deserve the simple dignity and discreet privacy of individual offices. Not so. Agent H8c5, who has been there, says they have only a common space.

Yawn. Big deal. Who cares?

Perhaps you should, citizen. Agent H8c5 may have aced Psychology Power Edge 106. Which is: When two people agree to a meeting, the operative factor is: At whose office?

Answer: As in hockey, power advantage to the home rink. In WV town hall terms, the here-today-gone-next-election councillor is a hat-in-hand supplicant to the kindly, condescending incumbent of the Permanent Government behind the desk. (See countless smart cartoons in The New Yorker working this theme. I opened a 2017 copy at random and found one in 38 seconds.)

A councillor, paid about $38,000 – less than the average Canadian family income – sits, edge of seat, before a bureaucrat whose handsome emolument may be many times greater. Examples: WV’s supervisor of golf and sports fields, twice as much (but cheers for the parks board). Manager, urban design, $40,000 more. Chief administrative officer, paid three times more than her nominal boss, the mayor. Whose home game is that?

• • •

Ah, elections. The back-scratching. And the back-stabbing. The calling-in of markers. And the calling-out of opponents. The fast friend. And the fast friend (the other definition). The betrayal of principles. And the betrayal of the principled.

There’s nothing like free and democratic elections to stir nostalgia for the divine right of kings.

• • •

On West Van’s more civilized side: Historian Francis Mansbridge will host a signing of his new book, Dreamers and Designers: The Shaping of West Vancouver, 7 p.m. next Friday at West Vancouver Memorial Library – where so many good things happen.

“I started this book with the conviction that West Vancouver is a unique place, and that conviction remains,” Mansbridge said. “Many architects and builders have collaborated with the unforgiving geography to produce some remarkable architecture. Many dreamers have contributed to its enduring uniqueness.”

• • •

It’s too late to see Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, produced by Glynnis Brassil, directed by Meghan McGuinness-Gill: Every seat of the eight performances at the Theatre at Hendry Hall was sold (including one I wished I’d bought). Sensational success.

But if you’re suffering from post-election stress syndrome, you can enjoy the past (and continuing) politics of Rebel Women, saluting the 100th anniversary of voting rights for women, at the Deep Cove Shaw Theatre until Oct. 27 (matinee this Sunday).

• • •

It’ll prove worse. Marijuana’s chaotic legalization, with greedy corporate vultures circling after the pot “pioneers” went to jail, and some loathsome politicians and policemen who jailed them jumping ship to join them, will make the illegal trade look like a golden age – more orderly, less socially destructive (laced cookies attracting children and pets!), and relatively tidy with just the occasional gang murder. And far cheaper, for both stoned customers and sober taxpayers. The crooks ran it better.

• • •

Confound the Horgan horde. Keep first past the post.

rtlautens@gmail.com

What are your thoughts? Send us a letter via email by clicking here or post a comment below.