Every child needs his or her own bedroom. Or do they?
Families raising kids 60 years ago tended to live in small houses but often had four, six, eight or more children. No matter what the size of the house, kids had to share.
Then we saw the transition to single-family homes but smaller families, so kids were expected to have their own bedroom.
Today, with house prices being what they are, particularly in and near urban areas, families are now beginning to live in smaller spaces such as townhouses or condos. And space is shared by all.
Ten-year-old Samantha shares with her eight-year-old sister Ayla, and it generally works well until Samantha has friends over and wants her sister out of the way.
There may be a problem once she starts bringing friends home from school. It may be difficult for her to entertain when her little sister is right there.
It’s not okay for Samantha and her friends to be rude to Ayla. You can insist on good manners all around. On the other hand, Samantha will need some space for entertaining away from her sister. And soon Ayla will want to have her friends over to play as well.
You can identify another part of the house for this play or have them play outside in the yard. Meanwhile, when she has friends over take the opportunity to spend time with Ayla. She would love to have time alone with you and help you around the house. One-on-one time between parents and children is always treasured.
And, believe it or not, working with a parent doing chores is valuable one-on-one time. You have time to chat, and by modelling you also teach your child your standards for the everyday chores. Generally, as children approach eight to 10 years old they start to want more privacy.
When you notice your son locking the bathroom door or wanting no one to look when he’s changing his clothes, it’s time for separation. At that time, get creative with room dividers. You can simply give them some privacy with bookshelves or other bedroom furniture.
One issue that often arises is the messy kid sharing with the neat kid. It can drive both crazy, but primarily the neat kid.
This requires some serious negotiation of the rules. As mentioned above, dividing the room with furniture is a good start. Then each child can have the sort of room they want and need. On the other side of the equation there are some positives to room sharing.
Let’s face it, most parents have discovered kids who have their own rooms end up curled up together in one bed. They waken at night and look for company.
Kids who share a room know they always have someone else with them. They have someone to talk to and giggle with as they fall asleep. It’s cozy, safe and friendly.
Room sharing teaches kids how to share and how to negotiate living space and rules. They learn how to respect each other’s needs for space, tidiness (or not) and privacy.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. parentingtoday.ca.
