Many toddlers develop fears that are real and distressing to the child. Although we know they are irrational we hate to see our children frightened and we wonder what caused the problem.
It’s actually a normal stage of development for many children. Toddlers have highly vivid imaginations and can have difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality. They can also remember past episodes when they were frightened.
One time my husband and I were with our twin grandkids (about 2.5 years) and they were having a great treat, being able to watch one TV program. They had a number of appropriate shows on the PVR and they chose one.
Well, this show is usually perfect for the kids but this one episode was frightening and our grandson began crying. Meanwhile, because it’s not our TV, Grandpa was having trouble turning off the show.
One child was terrified but the other sluffed it off saying, “it’s just a movie.” Different kids, different and equally appropriate reactions.
Life went on, but our little grandson remembered. The next time his Grandpa turned on the TV for the kids, he ran and hid and peeked out until he was certain this wouldn’t be the same show. It wasn’t, and over time and positive experiences he calmed down.
Another type of fear can be invisible. The monster under the bed or in the closet. Take it seriously and don’t laugh at your child or dismiss her fears. Find some books with stories about kids who vanquished their fears.
Help your child discover what will make her feel safe. It might be leaving the bedroom door open, giving her a flashlight or firmly closing the closet door if that’s where the monster lives. You might even have to push a chair up against the door. Whatever makes her feel safe.
Teach your kids the difference between real and imaginary. The bunny stuffie is not real, the bunny at the petting zoo is real and Bugs Bunny is definitely fantasy. You can make it a game. When you’re driving in the car or waiting to be served at the restaurant take turns naming something like a mermaid, giraffe or unicorn and talk about whether it is real.
Some kids can handle their fears through art or dramatic play.
Teach your kid to take slow, deep breaths when she is afraid. That can help her to manage the physical manifestations of her fears. When she’s taking her deep breaths teach her to loosen her tight shoulders and unclench her hands.
Holding his hand, cuddling and hugging will help a frightened child feel more secure.
Try to avoid passing on your fears. I have always hated going to the dentist and didn’t want to pass that on. So, when my kids went for their dental check-ups I arranged that I would go into the room with them but then leave them to the professionals. As a result, they have never been at all nervous at the dentist’s office. Neither, I am told, are my grandchildren.
Don’t laugh at her fears. It’s not a joke. You will likely want to talk to friends or family members but be careful. If the kids are in the house they will hear you and think you are making fun of them. And if you are talking to your children’s friends’ parents, be equally careful to make sure neither your kids or the other children can hear the discussion.
Finally, avoid forcing your child to face her fears head-on. Give her the time, space and support she needs. Then she will learn to cope as she is ready.
It’s actually a normal stage of development for many children. Toddlers have highly vivid imaginations and can have difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality. They can also remember past episodes when they were frightened.
One time my husband and I were with our twin grandkids (about 2.5 years) and they were having a great treat, being able to watch one TV program. They had a number of appropriate shows on the PVR and they chose one.
Well, this show is usually perfect for the kids but this one episode was frightening and our grandson began crying. Meanwhile, because it’s not our TV, Grandpa was having trouble turning off the show.
One child was terrified but the other sluffed it off saying, “it’s just a movie.” Different kids, different and equally appropriate reactions.
Life went on, but our little grandson remembered. The next time his Grandpa turned on the TV for the kids, he ran and hid and peeked out until he was certain this wouldn’t be the same show. It wasn’t, and over time and positive experiences he calmed down.
Another type of fear can be invisible. The monster under the bed or in the closet. Take it seriously and don’t laugh at your child or dismiss her fears. Find some books with stories about kids who vanquished their fears.
Help your child discover what will make her feel safe. It might be leaving the bedroom door open, giving her a flashlight or firmly closing the closet door if that’s where the monster lives. You might even have to push a chair up against the door. Whatever makes her feel safe.
Teach your kids the difference between real and imaginary. The bunny stuffie is not real, the bunny at the petting zoo is real and Bugs Bunny is definitely fantasy. You can make it a game. When you’re driving in the car or waiting to be served at the restaurant take turns naming something like a mermaid, giraffe or unicorn and talk about whether it is real.
Some kids can handle their fears through art or dramatic play.
Teach your kid to take slow, deep breaths when she is afraid. That can help her to manage the physical manifestations of her fears. When she’s taking her deep breaths teach her to loosen her tight shoulders and unclench her hands.
Holding his hand, cuddling and hugging will help a frightened child feel more secure.
Try to avoid passing on your fears. I have always hated going to the dentist and didn’t want to pass that on. So, when my kids went for their dental check-ups I arranged that I would go into the room with them but then leave them to the professionals. As a result, they have never been at all nervous at the dentist’s office. Neither, I am told, are my grandchildren.
Don’t laugh at her fears. It’s not a joke. You will likely want to talk to friends or family members but be careful. If the kids are in the house they will hear you and think you are making fun of them. And if you are talking to your children’s friends’ parents, be equally careful to make sure neither your kids or the other children can hear the discussion.
Finally, avoid forcing your child to face her fears head-on. Give her the time, space and support she needs. Then she will learn to cope as she is ready.
Kathy Lynn is a parenting expert who is a professional speaker and author of Vive la Différence, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home. If you want to read more, sign up for her informational newsletter at parentingtoday.ca.
