Well that’s it, Canada, you’ve hit the big 1-5-0.
Hope you enjoyed your birthday party. It appears that good times were had all across the country, although it still seems weird that Toronto chose to bring along a giant inflatable rubber ducky. You OK, Toronto? That’s obviously a quack for help.
Milestone birthdays call for introspection – folks turning 18 or 80 often spend their big day pondering the same question: where are my pants? Countries should be no different, so let’s take a moment to reflect on who we are and how we got here.
Confederation
Canada officially became a nation on July 1, 1867. The Fathers of Confederation – led by the likes of Sir John A. Macdonald, Gordie Howe and the Edison Twins – chose to retain ties to the British monarchy instead of becoming a republic out of fears that Canada would become dysfunctional like the United States, still recovering from a devastating civil war.
“Verily, we must not let the bloodshed and strife inflicting our neighbours to the south infect our good lands,” they wrote. “We must protect against the scourge of violence, the unwitting election of tyrants that boasteth of grabbing fairmaidens by their ladybits, and the undue influence of the International House of Pancakes.”
The British North America act united the provinces of Canada, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia into one nation. The province formerly known as “Canada” was so excited about the union that it immediately split into two provinces called Ontario and Quebec. This solved all potential future problems between the two cultures.
The Canadian Pacific Railroad
The completion of a railroad across the continent united the country, turning a four-month sailing trip from the East Coast to the West Coast into a quick trip along the tracks. The building of the railroad was rife with controversies, costing Macdonald (briefly) his spot as prime minister, as well as his hotels on Ventnor Avenue and Marvin Gardens.
The symbolic last spike, signifying the completion of the transcontinental railway, was driven on Nov. 7, 1885 in Craigellachie, B.C. The next day CP received dozens of telegrams from West Vancouver residents saying the trains were too noisy.
Vimy Ridge
Canada may have become a country in 1867, but some historians point to the four-day Battle of Vimy Ridge in 1917 as the moment we announced our presence to the rest of the world. In a stunning show of bravery, cunning, planning, firepower and technical and tactical execution, the Canadian Corps overcame considerable resistance – and suffered terrible casualties – while taking the ridge from the Germans in the First World War. It may not have been the most important victory of the war, but it no doubt served the world notice that – apologies for the strong language – you best avoid any Canadians if you find yourself in a kerfuffle.
The victory is commemorated every year when a young Canadian hockey player applies a devastating body check to some hapless German or Austrian (or whatever) during the first 11 seconds of every World Junior Hockey Championship opening game. Our efforts are noted by the world, and marked with a two-minute penalty for boarding.
Normandy
Canadian soldiers again proved their character on D-Day in the Second World War, taking Juno Beach and advancing farther into France than any other allied landing force on that terrifyingly important day. More than 350 Canadians died on D-Day, but it helped us keep the freedom we still hold so dear, with Nazis confined now only to weird corners of the Internet and just a few key positions in the Trump administration.
Trans-Canada Highway
The country’s second great cross-continental link officially opened in 1962 and was completed in 1971, allowing the commoner to explore this nation’s vast wilderness, pretending all the while not to be afraid of bears.
Interesting note: you can find some of the cars from the highway’s official opening still waiting for crews to clear up a fender bender on the Ironworkers bridge.
Canadian people
No doubt one of the greatest gifts Canada has given to the world – trailing only maple syrup and the hat trick – is our people.
White men have traditionally held the positions of power – every prime minister has been a white man except for Kim Campbell, the first female PM; Stephen Harper, the first walrus PM; and Justin Trudeau, the first Rainbow Selfie Megahunk PM.
But we are a multicultural society that has blended in people from all corners of the globe into one mostly awesome, peaceful place. That includes the First Nations people, who have been here for thousands of years and still act as caretakers for this great land. Everyone else is an immigrant, united by a desire to be here, a quest to make this place great, and a co-ordinated effort to hate the Toronto Maple Leafs.
So here’s to the first 150 years. You still look pretty good to me, Canada. And after a party like we just had to celebrate your sesquicentennial, there’s just one more question: where are your pants?
Andy Prest is the sports editor for the North Shore News and writes a biweekly humour/lifestyle column. He can be reached via email at aprest@nsnews.com. What are your thoughts? Send us a letter via email by clicking here or post a comment below.
