There are still a couple of months to go, but I may just owe Canada an apology.
If that comes to pass, I’d probably never in my life feel better about making an apology. At the start of this NHL season I predicted that the Stanley Cup drought for Canadian teams — ongoing since Montreal won in 1993 — would continue this year following last season’s dismal showing that saw only one of the seven Canadian clubs make the playoffs. Our only true hope of winning it this season would be if we somehow annexed Los Angeles, I said.
Well, what happened? The defending champion Kings didn’t even make the playoffs this year while five Canadian teams did.
First of all, it’s probably for the best that we didn’t annex Los Angeles — beach season would have been ruined if the boardwalks were suddenly crowded with pasty Hosers in flannel thongs.
Secondly, maybe my predictions were actually a clever reverse jinx that swung the balance of power back up North. Yeah, that’s the most likely explanation. I await your kudos.
Thirdly, it’s time to revisit those preseason predictions — each team has played one playoff game as of this writing — and revise them a bit to see who is poised to take the final grueling steps to bring the cup home. Here’s the rundown:
Montreal Canadiens
Preseason prediction: “They are our best hope.”
Regular season placing/playoff opponent: 2nd East/vs. Ottawa
Revised prediction: That preseason predication still holds up, as the Canadiens likely do have the best shot at reclaiming the Cup what with the best goalie in the world in Carey Price and one of the best defencemen in the league in P.K. Subban. I’ve always been a Subban supporter in the face of some weird and sometimes nasty criticism, but listen P.K., we all saw your Game 1 chop and heard your reaction to the injury you caused. Could you maybe stop acting like a lurking, blood-soaked Shia LaBeouf? Just for the rest of the playoffs maybe? I want to be swimming in Champagne when a Canadian team wins, not swimming in regret.
Vancouver Canucks
Preseason prediction: “I’m not going to say their window is closing, but if I were going to come up with some sort of metaphor it would have to in some way involve a double-glazed pane of glass sliding downward.”
Placing/playoffs: 5th West/vs. Calgary
Revised prediction: I thought the Canucks, with the 34-year-old Sedins and a bunch of youngsters, were too old on the top and too young on the bottom. I was wrong — the problem was just Tortorella. Vancouver, however, lost Game 1 to Calgary to open these playoffs. Maybe all they need to recapture the old glory is a full-fledged goalie controversy. What’s that you say? They have a Vezina winner and two-time Olympian on the bench while some Twitter-lover literally named Lack, who has no prior NHL playoff experience, gets the start? Let’s say this the hilarious British way: conTROVersy!
Ottawa Senators
Preseason prediction: “The Senators always find a way to be decent, even while shedding star after high-salaried star.”
Placing/playoffs: 7th East/vs. Montreal
Revised prediction: That preseason prediction was a little on the nose. Their hottest player is an out-of-nowhere rookie named Mark Stone (now possibly sidelined by a slash from P.K. LaBoeuf) and their out-of-nowhere goaltending star is nicknamed The Hamburglar. Robble robble. If they do win, what a party they’ll have in Ottawa. Free drinks all night — just put it on Duffy’s tab!
Winnipeg Jets
Preseason prediction: “Any minute now their fans are going to replace their ‘just happy to have an NHL team’ vibe with ‘let’s hit their bus with a flaming bag of frozen poo.’
Placing/playoffs: 7th West/vs. Anaheim
Revised prediction: Well, I was wrong on that prediction. Jets fans are still happy. Very happy. The Jets lost Game 1, but Anaheim still needs to come to Manitoba for a pair of games at least. For opponents, playing a road playoff game in Winnipeg is going to be kind of like a Nickleback album: it’s going to be loud, it’s going to be angry, it’s going to be smart-ass, and it’s not going to end well.
Calgary Flames
Preseason prediction: “The Flames could win the Cup if every other player on every other team got mild to moderate Ebola.”
Placing/playoffs: 8th West/vs. Vancouver
Revised prediction: Whoa, was I wrong on this one too. I’m happy about it, though, because the Flamers have been my favourite team since my days as a young Albertan. This edition is an exciting, fun, young team that skates fast and never says die. This series vs. the Canucks feels like it’ll be a long and intense one. Apologies in advance if they do eliminate the Canucks. I promise I’ll wait a couple of days before busting out my cowboy hat, stealing a Hummer and driving up the mountains to plant Flames flags on both the Lions.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Preseason prediction: “Number crunchers hated the way the Leafs were playing last season . . . I don’t need an abacus, however, to tell me that the Leafs are garbage.”
Placing/playoffs: 15th East/not in playoffs
Revised prediction: Garbage was being kind. Light that dumpster on fire.
Edmonton Oilers
Preseason prediction: “Win the Cup? You mean, the Stanley Cup? Aaaahahahaha.”
Placing/playoffs: 13th West/no playoffs
Revised prediction: Still laughing. Or is it crying?
Thanks for nothing Toronto and Edmonton. As for the rest of the Canadian teams, nice work so far. No matter what happens in Round 1, at least two Canadian teams will make the final eight. From that point on, any team is just a hot goaltender, some lucky bounces, and maybe the odd ruptured spleen away from the finals.
I have an idea — why don’t we win this thing and annex Los Angeles? Wouldn’t that be a nice, warm party? I’ll bring the flannel.
Andy Prest can be reached via email at [email protected].
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